EMISSIONS:In the US election, a quick look at the candidate's garages speaks volumes, writes Kilian Doyle
I'M GOING to go out on a limb here and take a punt: By the time you read this, US voters will have elected Barack Obama president.
Which, you'll agree, is nice for him. And, hopefully, for the rest of us too. I have great hopes for him and his running mate Joe Biden, the man with the biggest teeth in the world.
Of course, this is dependent on his not being bumped off by a couple of half-witted neo-Nazi skinheads or - even less likely - defeated by John McCain.
I was thinking, during the election campaign, about how the oddest factors can sway voters - from a candidate's wardrobe to their views on shooting helpless animals to their middle names.
As this is ostensibly a motoring column, I began to wonder if the candidates' choice of cars could have been one of those factors.
See, I reckon a (wo)man's mode of transportation speaks volumes about who (s)he is.
Much kerfuffle was made last month about the revelation that the McCains - John and his lovely, and exceptionally wealthy, wife Cindy - own 13 cars. In fairness, they do own seven homes, so that's a lot of garage space.
The problem is, their cars are all rubbish. They have a new Volkswagen Beetle convertible, ferchrissakes. Seriously, what's he thinking? He obviously hasn't a clue. All that money and garage space and not one vintage Maserati? Not even a Mustang Fastback?
And he calls himself a 'patriot? The man should be ashamed of himself.
The only one in McCain's name is a 2004 Cadillac CTS, which is hideous as only American cars can be. However, it's perfectly suited to McCain, as it has all the verve and flair of a cabbage.
The Obamas, on the other hand, own just the one vehicle. Predictably, it's hybrid. It wasn't always thus. He used to own a V8-powered Chrysler 300C, a car that looks like a Bentley on steroids and does around 18mpg.
Now he owns a Ford Escape Hybrid. In case you are not familiar with this particular tank, it is one of those ridiculous SUVs with batteries, that fool nobody but the fool driving them.
Sarah Palin owns one car - a Volkswagen Jetta TDI, which gets better fuel economy than a Prius. Surprised? Me too. I bet you thought Palin - a moose-shooting, iceberg-melting, oil industry-supporting hockey mom-of-five - drove a massive SUV. You'd be right. She has the use of a State-provided Chevy Suburban V8, which is bigger than many one-bedroom apartments in Dublin.
Joe Biden, he of the unfeasibly immobile hair, is famous for commuting three hours a day by train between his Delaware home and his Washington office. Bar cycling or walking, the train is the greenest mode of transport open to the commuter. Brownie points there, so.
But Biden has a secret weapon of mass destruction in his garage: a 1967 Corvette bought for him by his car salesman father. Mmm. I hate most Yank Tanks, but the Vette is special. Not only is it the most European-looking of US muscle cars, but it can actually go around corners without its chassis splitting in half. No green points, but plenty for taste.
So which of the above would I have voted for, had it just been down to their choice of car?
Not Obama, obviously - a hybrid SUV is still an SUV.
McCain? Thirteen cars and every one of them a shed - how could you trust such a man?
Palin? I like the idea of her pottering around in the frugal Jetta, but the SUV rules her out.
So the winner, hands down, is Biden. Train to the office, classic car in the driveway. A man after my own heart.