Not wild about your annual turkey dinner? Nor is Benjamin Zephaniah, whose poem 'Talking Turkeys' gives us a laugh. 'So, be nice to yu turkey dis Christmas/Invite dem indoors fe sum greens/Let dem eat cake an let dem partake/in a plate of organic grown beans,/Be nice to yu turkey dis Christmas/An spare dem de cut of de knife.' He's at www.bbc.co.uk/arts/poetry/outloud
CLASS IN A GLASS
It's a little late to start searching for the ideal Christmas Day wine: the more organised have come and gone with their booty. If you're still in need of some bottles for Monday, however, here are six that, with luck, will still be on the shelves: three white and three red, in three price ranges.
BUDGET Berry Bros & Rudd's Bordeaux Sauvignon Sec(€9.95, Berry Bros & Rudd, Dublin 2) delivers clean, refreshing fruit. Palo Alto Reserva 2005(down to €7.95, Dunnes Stores) tastes as good as a €16 red - which is what this classy Chilean normally is.
FLUSH Astrolabe Sauvignon Blanc 2005(down to €13.99, O'Briens) is a superior Kiwi Sauvignon Blanc at a bargain price. Felton Road Pinot Noir 2004(€38, Fallon & Byrne, Dublin 2; Jus De Vine, Portmarnock, On the Grapevine, Dalkey and Booterstown, all Co Dublin) is a terrific New Zealand Pinot Noir.
LOADED Puligny-Montrachet 2004, Premier Cru Les Folatières, Jean-Louis Chavy(about €55, Donnybrook Fair, Dublin 4; McCabes, Foxrock and Blackrock, Co Dublin; Mitchell & Son, Dublin 2 and Glasthule, Co Dublin), like other top white Burgundies, swaggers with intensity and class, even in an average year. Cakebread 2002 Cabernet Sauvignon(€78.99, 64 Wine, Glasthule, Co Dublin; Mitchell & Son, Dublin 2 and Glasthule, Co Dublin; Eugene's, Kenmare, Co Kerry; Bradley's, Cork) is Napa Valley Cabernet at its most seductive. Joe Breen
BALL SKILLS
Meet Jamie White, a young and most charming entrepreneur, who has organised a formal New Year's Eve ball for sixth-year students from schools all over Leinster, at the Pavilion at Leopardstown starting at 10pm. There will be fireworks! There will be music! And, as midnight approaches, there will be a coronation of a king and queen elected by their friends via www.midnightevents.bebo.com.
This is an event for over-18s, and prepaid tickets - plus Government ID cards - will be required. (Parents may be glad to hear that security will be tight, taxi companies have been alerted to the event and medics will be on hand.) Black Tie suit hire is offering discounts to all (just show them your ticket), and a number of sponsors are supplying everything from prizes to music.
White, a first-year commerce student at University College Dublin, has already organised a number of other social events. When we met, 800 tickets had been sold, at €25 each, and he expects 1,500 party-goers on the night. Give this boy a first! Patsey Murphy
GRAND DESIGNS
Diarmuid Gavin will be shifting the landscape in town and country again this year with another series of I Want a Garden, for RTÉ1. Take time over Christmas to compose 100 compelling words that will persuade him to consider tackling your garden (the minimum budget is €5,000). See www.rte.ie/tv/ iwantagarden for more details. Patsey Murphy
PRESENTS OF MIND
How do you wrap a football? Or a cake stand? Or any other oddly shaped gift? We spent a morning working out how to make them look good despite having to take some pretty unusual angles into account. We wrapped the cake stand, for example, in newspaper first, then added colour and sparkle, using crepe paper and beads. We also made a simple present stand out by finishing it off with bows in two colour of tulle. So there's no excuse for dull parcels.
CHRISTMAS CHEER
The red velvet and silk dresses for little girls lined up in the window of Petit, a shop at 234 Merrion Road, Dublin 4 (01-2606601), are sure to make you smile - if not bring doting parents and grandparents to a screeching halt in passing traffic. They are imported from Italy by the effervescent Francesca Macari, along with a selection of capes and hair ribbons and red patent-leather shoes. Extravagant but memorable.