Podge and Rodge:Taking their search for a wife to Vicar Street
Their RTÉ2 TV show finishes on Tuesday, so Podge and Rodge are taking their search for women to the stage, setting up at Vicar Street for 16 nights. Any particular type of woman they're looking for? "We're not fussy," says Podge. "They do say the older the bolder, so maybe an auld one. She needs to be able to do everything - cleaning, cooking; very important to have the dinner on the table when we come home from the pub. She needs to be broad-minded, because we're very perverted."
The Ballydung brothers seem none too pleased about being in Dublin for a protracted spell. "It's terrible," says Rodge. "We read in the Irish Catholic that there is an 81 per cent chance of getting stabbed when you stay in Dublin for 16 nights. We'll spend most of our time avoiding drug dealers. We're also upset about that Frawley's is gone. Where will we do our shopping now? We'll have to go to Guineys."
Which of Dublin's five-star establishments will the superstars be staying at? "Mrs Maguire's B&B on Amiens Street," says Podge. "It's €18 a night, and she gives us a big greasy fry-up - none of that continental stuff."
How will they pass the time between shows? "They want us to rehearse, but we couldn't bothered. So we will probably just be in the pub. We're planning to go to that gallery where all the dead animals are." The Museum of Natural History? "Yeah, that one. Or maybe the zoo. We're very interested in exotic meats."
Why did last year's 12-night stint at Vicar Street fail to produce a wife? "It was a mistake to do it in winter. The women had too many clothes on. It will be different in spring; there will be lots of sexual tension in the air. We are planning to turn the heating in the venue right up, so all the women will strip off. It will be a bachelorette party. There could be lots of Dublin women having babies later this year. It will be like when the Pope was here in the 1970s." u In conversation with Michael Kelly
Desperate for Housewives is at Vicar Street, Dublin 8, from April 12th to April 29th