This week, our social media agony aunt advises on a tricky issue following a bereavement
Dear Cyber Sorter,
I’m not on Facebook. I signed up about two years ago and almost immediately deleted my account without ever having added any friends. It just wasn’t for me.
An old friend of mine, who was on Facebook, died recently. It seems that before he died, he changed his Facebook email address to mine, so I am getting notifications from Facebook of emails from people I don’t know, which are obviously for him.
The most disturbing one, on the day he died, was from his brother telling him to get in touch, as “everyone” was worried about him. I clicked on a link to stop getting notifications from Facebook, but I got another one again today. I can’t sign in to his Facebook account, of course, as I don’t know the password.
Is there any way I can disconnect my email address from his Facebook account? It’s more than a little creepy to be getting emails meant for someone who is no longer with us. I don’t really want to change my email address as I’ve had it for a long time. I also don’t want to deactivate the account as he obviously wanted someone to see these messages after he was gone.
Can you think of anything I can do? Thanks for your help. – ND
Dear ND,
I can only imagine how unsettling it must be to get unexpected Facebook emails from the grave. I admire your desire to protect his wishes to some extent and can see why you would be reluctant to close the account, but it is very important that you de-link your email from his account. It is also within your power.
As the email address holder you can easily request a new password from Facebook, using the email address as a login, and clicking “Forgot Password?”.
Facebook has a Statement of Rights and Responsibilities. By putting his Facebook account into your email domain, your friend violated sections 4.1 and 4.9 of that statement.
I don’t know how well you know his family, or if you know them at all, but I suggest you contact them and tell them about his Facebook page. They may or may not know it exists and they may or may not find comfort in it, but they are the appropriate people to deal with it.
They may wish to manage his Facebook page to close it down. Either way, it is rightfully their choice. You could suggest to them that the email address for the account is changed to a family members email account.
In the meantime, you might consider setting up a new email account for his Facebook account (eg steveinmemoriam@gmail.com). This will sever the personal link between your email account and his Facebook page, but will honour his desire to have his messages continued. When you make contact with his family, you can hand over the new email address and password to them.
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