Are you Halloween ready? I’m scarily smug about it

I’m overprepared for Halloween, which is a first. Usually, I’m a last-minute merchant when it comes to spooky season. But this week I find myself with a huge bag of sparklers from the pound shop (yes, I know it’s technically the euro shop but I still call the Point Depot, the Point, leave me alone) and several other pieces of essential Halloween kit including a mini-projector and chocolate eyeballs from Tiger.

I am Halloween ready. And scarily smug about it, you might have noticed.

My daughters have already decided what they are going to be. They like cooking so they are Twin Zombie Chefs.

They have repurposed last year’s bloody butcher’s aprons, added a couple of blood-soaked kitchen knives and plan to have strings of bloodied garlic around their necks.

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Maybe I could have more friends if stopped holding myself back

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People are forgetting what it's like to do their own ironing

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They've even mangled the words of a hymn they sing in their choir to warble while collecting at the doors for apples and nuts. (Yes, I know we are supposed to call it trick-or-treating but I still call the Aviva Stadium Lansdowne Road. Leave it.) The Irish Blessing, quite a genteel song normally, now sounds gloriously gruesome culminating in the terrifying lines "And until we eat again, may I bite you, may I bite you ever with my sharp, sharp fangs..."

You just better pray they don’t knock on your door.

Midterm break can’t come soon enough for them. Between singing and drama and music lessons and practice and homework, it feels like they are in urgent need of a break from everything.

The schedules will go out the door. There'll be loads of time to slouch around and watch Wonder 75 times on Netflix. Or invent new ways to make slime.

Their Aunty Katy sent over a crate of something called Elmer’s Glue from America and it has transformed their slime career. There’s more of it around the house anyway which I keep finding in cupboards and under beds. There’s so much of it I’ve had to become what I like to call Slime-Positive. It involves touching the stuff, joining in the slime workshops and pretending to like it.

But that’s another horror story.

Some things to do with children this weekend...

Cuskinny Park, Cobh, Co Cork
I have it on good authority and excuse the block capital but this is important: THE CURSE OF THE PURPLE PUMPKIN HAS HIT EAST CORK. That is to say Cuskinny Court, in east Cork has been hit by a 200-year-old curse, unleashing mischief and turning the estate home into a murky manor.

Visible only to children, the curse of the Purple Pumpkin has hit Ghoulsley’s Manor and is expected to be at full tilt by Saturday, October 20th.

“We’ve never seen anything quite like the Curse of the Purple Pumpkin in east Cork,” said Caitriona Johansson of Cuskinny Court Activity and Adventure Centre. “It’s quite spooky and funny to see the Curse take hold and we are inviting children to come and experience this imaginative, interactive Halloween experience this October.”

Ghoulsley’s Manor has built up quite a terrifying reputation for Halloween festivities. Children from the ages of four to 14 years get to immerse themselves in truly spellbinding theatrical performances by a creative and fun-loving acting crew from east Cork.

Cuskinny Court, October 20th and 24th-31st, afternoon and evening shows. 60-minute interactive theatrical experience. Suitable for families and ideal for four- to 14-year-olds. Cost: €15 per head. ghoulsleysmanor.com

Tayto Park, Ashbourne, Co Meath
The theme park has announced their brand new attractions for Halloween – Scary Tales for children and Tayto Park Terrors for teenagers and adults.

By day, parents and children can immerse themselves in Scary Tales. Step inside a world you thought you knew and discover what happens when an ancient curse is broken. With a ghostly guide telling stories to solve a series of clues to gain entry into the next room, children and parents will not expect a happily ever at the end of this creepy tale.

Visitors will meet a number of fairytale characters along the way, escaping the witch, saving the prince and discovering passageways with a torch before seeking out the mystery behind the ancient broken curse.

Children can also enjoy free face-painting, the zoo and other attractions around the park before taking part in Halloween arts and crafts. The World of Raptors, Tayto Park's new birds of prey arena show, is also open and has daily shows at 2.30pm. taytopark.ie/events

Imagine Arts Festival
"Deliciously Dark" is one of the themes for this year's Imagine Arts Festival, which takes place in Waterford city from the October 18th-28th.

It’s the 17th festival and features 10 days of magical fun, spooky happenings, mega music gigs, theatre, dance, spoken word, art exhibitions, and a litany of literary events with some of the country’s top authors.

Children’s events include puppet-making workshops, children’s book readings, a viking trail, Spraoi’s Wicked Woods and BLAA-Mageddon – a massive flour fight – and lots more.

The Horribly Historic Trails on offer from October 24th to 27th in the depths of the medieval alleys and streets of Waterford city. Spraoi’s “Wicked Woods” will transform Carriganore Wood on Waterford’s Greenway at WIT Arena into an imaginative seasonal world – with light, sound effects, creatures and live costumed performers on offer from October 26th to 28th.

On Saturday, October 20th there's a Very Hungry Caterpillar event at Central Library from 10.30am – 11:30am. Like many of the events it's free but booking is essential.imagineartsfestival.com

Bosco at Glór

Bosco is back at Glór in Ennis, Co Clare, with Bosco’s Garden And Cinderella presented by Paula Lambert Puppet Theatre, part of Bosco’s 40th anniversary tour. Enjoy the story of Cinderella through this completely interactive live experience.

Saturday, October 20th, 1.30pm. Booking & further information: 065-6843103 or glor.ie.