'Elf esteem' and 'elf and safety' are just two of the training modules for those hoping to qualify as one of Santa's little helpers. BRIAN O'CONNELLspends a day at elf school
I AM SITTING in a coffee shop on the main street in Skibbereen waiting to be collected by an elf. It’s a dreary Thursday evening, and I feel like an extra in a new version of Bad Santa. Each year for the past decade and a half, Skibbereen has created an interactive children’s Christmas experience called Winter Wonderland. This year the organisers have invited me to attend “elf training school”, where they train more than 20 people, from the very young to the middle-aged, for the event.
Halfway through my Madeira bun and tea, I hear the jingling of bells, and chief elf Snowie appears. Seconds later I am being led by the hand through the crowded town by an elf in full costume. Goodbye credibility, hello Christmas.
We enter a large old building, which will double as Santa’s home for the duration of the event. I am greeted by two members of the grand elf council, Meg Mistletoe (Niamh Crowley) and Cinnamon Cracker (Liz Twomey), whose job is to prepare me for life as an elf. I derobe, yoghurt is smeared on my face to help me get in touch with nature, and a tailor elf takes measurements for my new attire.
Elves of all shapes and sizes gather around to get the low-down on what the training will involve. There will be some help in the area of “elf esteem” as well as an introduction course on “elf and safety”. But mainly they will help me get more in tune with my inner elf.
“Some adults forget that elves are here to continue the Christmas tradition and keep the dream alive,” says Cinnamon Cracker. “Children are the holders of the dream. If we do not select the best recruits, the dream will get lost.”
We are told our work will often be behind the scenes – spying on children as they go about their daily lives, assessing whether or not they are truly being bad or good. We’d also be asked to stand in for photos at events in remote supermarkets or help turn on the Christmas lights in small towns and villages all over the country, often standing for hours in freezing cold temperatures. Not dissimilar from the life of an Irish model.
Of course, an elf is not an elf without a proper name. One of the first parts of elf training is a naming ceremony. The name chosen for me is Skibby; the other elves place their hands on me and encourage me to feel the Christmas joy.
We take part in group counselling sessions, where we are encouraged to share any time we may have mistreated a toy. Cinnamon Cracker asks us all to sit on the floor in a circle and takes out a large bag. “What I am about to remove from the bag is upsetting,” she says. “I am going to show you some toys that have been abused. . . A rag doll is missing an arm. You can’t imagine the torture this toy has gone through.” It was a warning to us all. Toys are not just for Christmas.
Elves, we are told, suffer from several disorders. One is Inferior Cognitive Disorder (ICD), a hereditary illness whereby elves think all other elves are better at making toys them themselves. By the time we get to Santa’s workshop in the final room of the Winter Wonderland, we are nearing the end of our elf training, yet I’m still not sure if I have made the grade.
Snowie describes the competitive recruitment process behind elf training, which will see more than 20 different elves working in Skibbereen throughout Christmas.
“I think the big thing in making a good elf is personality. We are looking to see if they shine at you straight away. They have got to have a face that says ‘I’m fun’. We advertised for elves in local and national press and we got sent in hundreds of applications.”
This month all the elves will be expected to take to the street in Skibbereen once every night to commit a random act of kindness. These acts will include everything from carrying bags of shopping to handing out free sweets.
Before we can fully qualify as elves and receive our Elftac certificates, there is a quick questionnaire to be filled out, which includes questions such as ‘have you ever rejected a Christmas present?’ and ‘do you still have any Christmas toys given to you before your 12th birthday?’ With the process complete, it is left to Cinnamon Cracker to deliver the final, Braveheart-type speech, before we are let loose on the public.
“You have a great responsibility now,” she says. “You will leave bedrooms before children rise for school. You will be coming in contact with excited, enthusiastic and impressionable young children, who are the hosts and holders of the Christmas spirit. Brian, I mean Skibby, it will be your job to keep this spirit alive. It is with great honour I call you an elf.”
TRAINEE ELVES DESCRIBE THEIR EXPERIENCES:
MICHAEL HURLEY, 36
“I fell in love with the idea of people enjoying Christmas, and for three months of Christmas every year for the past 10 years I’ve done this. You could call it escapism, I suppose. I work as a farmer, and we have a pub, and I also work helping get people with an illness or disability back to work. When you’re in here, you feel very childish, and it is a happy place to be.
“What you need to be a good elf is dedication, an ability to see the fun in everything, a good smile and seeing the good in everybody.”
STEPHANIE HAYES, 20
“I am a third-year student in social studies in Carlow. I was an elf first when I was younger – in first, second and third year of school. I found that the experience of bringing families through the process was great for building confidence and self-esteem. It might even have influenced my decision to choose to do social studies.
“For a lot of us it is a good part-time job, and it was great craic. When bringing kids around, part of the fun was the questions you’d be asked as well as the sheer fun of just singing and dancing all day long.”
DEBBIE O’MAHONY
AKA SNOWIE
“I breed reindeers on my farm and have a herd of about eight. Some of them are in calf. I’m hoping to expand the herd for next year. I got the call to be here; I’m something of a virgin elf really. I’ve never done anything like it before. I don’t see any tension between me as a farmer breeding reindeer and working here as an elf. I keep the reindeers as pets, and I’m sure most elves would have a reindeer as a pet.”
Winter Wonderland opens on December 1st. winterwonderlandskibb.com
