CYBERSORTER:In this, her final column, our social media agony aunt looks at how to control what appears in newsfeeds
Dear Cyber Sorter,
I posted something on the wall of a support group but I immediately erased it after I noticed that it shows up in the newsfeed. This isn’t information that I want all of my Facebook friends to see.
Do you know how I can stop this from happening? I went through all of the privacy settings and Googled it, but I can’t figure it out. Do you know? – JM
Dear JM,
When you post something on someone else’s wall you cannot directly stop it from showing up on your friend’s newsfeeds.
You can block individuals or a friends list from seeing all your recent updates but that cuts them off from seeing anything by you in their newsfeed.
Social media may not be the best place to engage directly with support groups. Facebook’s raison d’être is to get people sharing their information and their preferences as widely as possibly.
Use it instead to search and find support groups. Providing you don’t “Like” their page or write on their wall, your Facebook friends won’t know about it. Most groups and companies on Facebook put their website address on their profile page. Generally those websites provide more information and often message boards where you can engage anonymously and without including all your nearest, dearest and distant acquaintances.
You wouldn’t go to a pub full of 200-plus people you know, (including colleagues and granny) and announce you were joining Potato Lickers Anonymous (or whatever your affliction of choice is – we all have something). In this case the old website is a better option than social media, which is more about sharing than caring.
Dear Cyber Sorter,
I have been married for 15 years but every time my wife and I have a disagreement she de-friends me on Facebook.
It’s more annoying than anything else, but I am getting embarrassed. Our friends see the notification in their newsfeed and make jokes.
I’ve tried to point this out to my wife but it seems to have made her more prone to this action, than less.
Any hints? – LR
Dear LR,
Wives in the past had less recourse to public punishment. A dirty look, dinner in the dog and no sex for a week would cover the worst of it for the average marital squabble.
On the bright side, your wife is being very public about your marriage, which means she is probably not chatting privately with an old flame.
Unfortunately, the public de-friending alerts your social circle to trouble in paradise, which most of us try not to broadcast.
Take your wife out for a nice meal and explain to her that de-friending you has wider ramifications. Offer a concession, such as when you next disagree, you promise to listen without interrupting her. Ask her not to de-friend you anymore.
If all is agreed upon and she doesn’t stick to her side of the bargain, then refuse to re-friend her. It might sound childish but if this becomes a way of embarrassing you, then it’s unreasonable, unpleasant and you don’t have to put up with it.
