RITES OF PASSAGE:Bog snorkelling, baking, Barcelona cultural tours . . . not all stag parties involve drinking to excess and tying the groom to a lamp post. EOIN BUTLERtalks to five men who opted for something different
THE HANGOVER PART II, starring Zach Galifianakis, Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms, opened at the box office this week and this time the action has shifted from Las Vegas to Bangkok. But the basic plot, involving a bachelor party gone horribly wrong, has not altered significantly. In fact, the sequel does more than just borrow a premise. To judge by the trailer, lots of the jokes and situations are recycled from the original film too. This is fitting, though, when you consider the subject matter. After all, what is any stag party but a tired imitation of stag parties that have gone before it?
Fashions change. But the fundamentals of your average stag party remain remarkably consistent. Hen parties are tyrannies. But stag parties are a democracy. So even if the groom does suggests a murder-mystery weekend, for example, he’s likely to be shot down by friends who’d rather get drunk, play practical jokes and plot the groom’s abject humiliation.
You know, the good stuff.
Alas, the old ways may finally be changing. Here are the experiences of four men who decided to try something a little different.
THE NO-ALCOHOL PARTY
Love and premarital male-bonding rituals. Traditionally, the two have gone together like a horse and a (swerving, not-quite roadworthy) carriage. But stag nights don’t have to be synonymous with alcohol. Many men, for whatever reason, choose to celebrate without indulging at all. In the case of South Africans Dewald Vos and Henrik Botha, who live in Dublin, it came down to simple logistics.
“My friend Henrik was married last month. Most of the guests were flying in from overseas. We were on a tight schedule. The stag party was Saturday, the rehearsal was on Sunday and the wedding was on Monday,” says Vos. “Henrik’s fiancée Marisa was concerned about him being hungover in the church. So as best man, I promised things wouldn’t get out of hand.
“I arranged for us to spend the day on Causey Farm in Kells. That way the guys could have a taste of Irish culture, but in an alcohol-free environment. We milked cows, had reverse tractor races and played a nine-hole round of hurling/golf. Getting the sliotar on to the stick is extremely difficult when you’ve never played hurling before. So it probably helped that we were sober. It was chaos, but it in a good way.
“Another highlight was making traditional soda bread. The guys had come all the way to Ireland for a stag party. I think the last thing they expected was to end up baking. But they enjoyed it. It was something a bit different. We got lots of fresh air and felt a lot better afterwards than we would have if we’d been sitting in a pub in Temple Bar all day.”
THE “SHAG” PARTY
Yes, sexual mores are changing in this country. But not quite as fast as all that. A Roman holiday inspired Stuart and Lesley Ann Palmer from Kilpedder in Wicklow to organise a joint stag and hen party – or “shag” party, as Lesley Ann refers to it – ahead of their nuptials. The name might benefit from a little tweaking, but the concept is an intriguing one.
“My wife and I aren’t particularly traditional people. We both have lots of friends of both sexes. So if we had organised separate hen and stag parties, we’d have only got to celebrate with half our mates. We attended a wedding in Rome the previous summer, which we’d all really enjoyed. So that was probably the catalyst.
“I thought, look, I can go to the pub and get drunk with my male friends any time I like. But travelling to a city we’d never been to before, together, as a group: that would be a lot more special.
“We settled on Barcelona as our destination. It had something to please everyone – good food, nice galleries and great nightlife. Female company may have a slight civilising effect on the lads, I suppose. We didn’t quite reach the depths of depravity. But it was pretty wild. To this day, our friends still talk about it.
“Would my male friends have preferred a more traditional stag do? I don’t know. But at least no one took me aside and said ‘Look, enough of this metrosexual nonsense. We’re tying you to a lamp post now.’ I was possibly lucky in that regard.”
THE HEN + STAG PARTY
Dan is marrying Marius in a civil-partnership ceremony this September. They’re not too concerned about observing convention since, in this case, no convention really exists yet. Marius is having a bash in Manchester’s Canal Street, but Dan is having his hen and stag nights here in Ireland.
“I’ve been on lots of stag weekends over the years, but never for a same-sex couple,” says Dan. “So there aren’t any particular traditions that I’m aware of. It’s like deciding what role the various family members should play at your service. You just make it up as you go along.
“I’m from Limerick, originally, but I work as a solicitor in Dublin. My brother is organising my stag party. We’re going for a surfing weekend in Lahinch. It’ll be me, my brothers, some cousins, my school and work mates – probably about 15 or 20 of us in total. After we’ve surfed, I imagine we’ll go to the pub. It will be all very traditional.
“The hen night is being organised by a female friend of mine in Dublin. This is going to involve my college friends, my gay friends and female friends. They’re refusing to tell me where we’re going or what we’re doing. But we’ll probably end up in the George at some stage, I’m sure. Beyond that, you’ll have to ask my friends.
“It wasn’t my idea to have two separate parties. But it’s working out really well. In fairness, I’m not sure how comfortable my brothers would have been with a night out on the gay scene in Dublin. Yes, I imagine there’ll be a stripper at some point. In Dublin, that is. Probably not in Lahinch.”
THE DEEP DOWN AND DIRTY PARTY
Bill Brady figured a hotel in the midlands would be the most suitable base for his stag party. But he was at a loss to know what he and his friends would do for the weekend.
“I’m a stonemason and a house husband, originally from Dublin, but living in Louisburgh, Co Mayo. When I got married two and a half years ago, I had friends travelling from different parts of the country for the stag. So it made sense to keep things central. I found a nice hotel in Birr and made reservations. But I couldn’t figure out what we’d do while we were there.
“Then I came across an article in The Irish Times about bog snorkelling. It seemed like a great idea. Not all my friends agreed, of course. Some decided to stay behind at the hotel for the day. Some couldn’t swim. Others just didn’t see why we’d want to jump in a bog hole for no reason. To be honest, the rest of us were probably wondering what we’d let ourselves in for. We were collected at the hotel and driven out into the Bog of Allen. It’s Bord na Móna land, so there were access roads across it.
“The race across the bog was probably the best crack. It was very sapping to run across that surface, because your feet keep sinking into the ground. The drainage ditches kept getting bigger and wider and some people didn’t make all the jumps. So that provided a lot of merriment on the day.
“When they brought us to the cutaway in the bog, we were all pretty apprehensive. Wetsuits weren’t provided, but the article had recommended bringing one along. That was great advice as it was very cold. It was a strange sensation to walk in such heavy silt. Every so often you’d kick the odd lump of turf. Or at least, you hoped it was a lump of turf. For all you know, it could be a severed head or something.”
