Life was much simpler back in the good old days when playlists were cassettes, books had pages and phones had but one function. Keeping up with the kids can be exhausting, but if you are going to download this app and that social network, make sure you know the social norms of conformity – we’re talking to you mum.
First off, be aware that your mere presence on Facebook or Twitter or whatever, does not warrant automatic acceptance into our online social circle. Yes, you may request our friendship repeatedly, but you can take the radio silence as the modern equivalent to a door slam.
If, on the off-chance, we do tolerate your friendship request, leave comments and “likes” at your peril. Unsolicited online interaction triggers feelings of irate adolescence – like when granddad stopped the music in the disco in 1979 and took you home for missing curfew. Unlike granddad however, you can be deleted, blocked and reported for inappropriate behaviour.
Our friends are not your friends. Never add them. Ever. If they somehow find you and try to connect, do not misinterpret this for an olive branch of online acceptance.
If you must go online, at least figure out how to work this “damn Internet thing”. Creating a LinkedIn profile as “Mum”, Instagramming a blurry photo of the floor or using the status update bar as a search engine won’t win you any favours .