Orna Mulcahy on people we all know
Skinny and gorgeous, Vianca has every reason to look down her pert little nose at the converted attic bedroom in Clonskeagh. After all, she comes from a wealthy family in Cadiz, and so she is virtually slumming it in Breda and Joe's for the summer, just so her parents can keep her away from Flavio. Papa, Breda gathers on the drive from the airport, has links to the royal family, which explains Vianca's expectation that Breda will carry her luggage to the top floor, make her a cup of herbal tea and run her a bath. Breda wouldn't mind tea and a bath herself, being seven months' pregnant, and she could do without Joe making an ass of himself trying to speak Spanish and gawping at her bottom. Vianca is just a bit too charming. Where is her moustache and unibrow, and shouldn't she have big hairy armpits, too?
A routine of sorts emerges, though the girl can't seem to get up in the morning and is sulky until she has her coffee and cigarette on the patio. The children are fascinated by her nut-brown navel and the 100 rubber bracelets that glide up and down her arms, while Breda wonders if she ever actually eats. One day she does create a huge mess in the kitchen trying to make her grandmother's paella, but declares it won't work because they don't have the necessary 10-foot wide copper pan to cook it in. Joe is getting indigestion from all the chorizo popping up in salads and sandwiches and has upgraded to a pint of Maalox instead of just a spoon, but then he is up all hours of the night anyway, watching subtitled films like Jamon Jamon, which Breda finds pathetic.
Vianca does have her sweet moments, when she will insist on washing up. But it's usually after she has turned an entire whites wash blue, or banjaxed the Dyson. And how much time does the girl need to wash and get dressed? Hours and hours it seems. Vianca is equally mystified by Breda, whose wardrobe she has been through and found lacking. Doesn't she have any decent labels, and how can she wear such terrible underwear? Her own mother wouldn't be caught dead in those hideous knickers, but these Irish haven't a clue - all those girls trying to pour themselves into white Zara trousers suits. It's very sad.
Vianca's mother is on the phone a lot, and having heard the whole sorry story of Flavio in broken English, Breda doesn't dare tell her that Vianca has a new boyfriend who collects her on a motorbike most nights and doesn't bring her home until 5 a.m. No wonder she is always drooping around the place looking pale. Breda thinks they should get her back to Cadiz fast, but never mind, it's all in hand. Vianca has found a job down at the local Spar and is moving into a flat next week ... just before Brenda's new baby arrives.