Orna Mulcahy on people we all know
It's a fabulous outfit. Bright pink, flared skirt, little bustier top, wrap-around jacket, wildly expensive. There's one slight problem - they only had it in a 12 and Judy is a comfortable 14. Well, a 16 in some makes, but then designers these days are so mean with their fabric, especially the Italians. But it's not a really a problem because she's determined to be a size 12 for her friend's wedding in June. Thirty-five days to go, which is loads of time. If she starts right away, she could lose two stone, and then the skirt would be swimming on her.
Even if she could just lose one stone, the jacket would fit perfectly, with one of those minimiser bras that squish everything up under the arms. Or maybe she could drag out her emergency all-in-one corset. Except that it's a tad uncomfortable: last time she wore it, it had to come off half-way through the party as she actually couldn't breathe with it on.
Worst case scenario, she could have the skirt let out, but then the tailor is bound to say that it's cut on the bias and there's no letting out in those seams. But really that won't be necessary, as after tomorrow she is going back to the gym. Definitely. Dwaine, her personal trainer from New Zealand, awaits, and when she's in gym mode, the weight just drops off. Why oh why did she stop going last November when she had been doing so well and paid so much in advance?
Alternatively, she could do detox for a fortnight: no coffee, no wine, no wheat - the pounds just drop off and you feel marvellous after the headaches stop. Then body wraps are supposed to be very good, or she could have her stomach stapled and get so thin and drained they'd have to airlift her to the wedding. First though, she could hang the outfit up over the fridge to stop her opening it so often. Her problem is that she has big bones and a slow metabolism. And no will power whatsoever.
Two weeks on, Judy is just as determined to do something. The outfit is now hanging under a coat in the wardrobe. Is it a bit tarty after all? Is it going to be one of those outfits that she can't wear in the end because it's impossible to find shoes to match? Leaving her no alternative but to go back to her old reliable black dress with the long sleeves, which is a bit heavy for June, and the feathered head-dress that lost a bit of its waftiness in the lashing rain at Punchestown. Could the whole thing be perked up with her sky blue pashmina, and will this make her sweat so much that by the end of the day she could fit into the size 12 after all? No, not to worry, the countdown is on. She has three full weeks to go.