Orna Mulcahy on people we all know.
According to the guide book, there are some remarkable frescoes in a little church in the next village, and an enchanting château nearby, built entirely of shells by Madame de Pompadour. Sounds quite fascinating, and Anne-Marie and Christina would love to see them, but it's day four at the villa already and things have been quite hectic what with settling in, and pottering down to the shops for croissants in the morning, then driving all the way to the hypermarket in the next town to do a Big Shop and then, by the time you have made lunch and eaten it under the loggia and had a little snooze, it's almost dinnertime! The day just seems to slip away at Les Olivards, which sleeps 10 and is so big that a whole crowd of them have just disappeared into its various annexes and lofts and pigonniers, only to reappear every so often to cook enormous meals. The more enthusiastic ones are up and out early to visit yet another gem of a medieval town, but the way Christina sees it, if you've seen one twisty cobbled street with hanging baskets and stray cats everywhere, you've seen them all.
No, the enchanting château will have to wait another day, as they lounge by the pool admiring each other's painted toenails, and talking about what surgical procedures they should be considering at this stage - eyes lasered, bunions removed and whether it's worth getting the botox done in London instead of at home.
Even talking about it is draining, and that rosé at lunch was quite strong, so soon they are slumped back, flicking through Vanity Fair and Heat. Actually, Anne-Marie wants to read a lot on this trip and she has a stack of books. But now that she sees them in the glare of the sun they all look very dull. "Do we really need to read another stunning début novel from a Brave New Voice?" she asks Christina, who agrees that no, they do not. Luckily, someone has left behind a dog-eared Barbara Taylor Bradford and an historical novel that turns out to be full of sex, so there is plenty to read, when they get a moment.
Just now they are discussing the break-up between Jemima Goldsmith and Imran Khan, though that was on the cards from day one wasn't it? Imagine having to live with all your in-laws in a compound? It just wouldn't work. But he's still very attractive, isn't he, and she'll go again. Very like Diana in looks. Gorgeous children. So sad. That brings them on to Christina's neighbours, Pat and Deirdre, who are splitting up too, and the sun is dipping behind the cypress trees by the time they have said all there is to say about his carry-on. Tomorrow, they will definitely take the car and go to the market in Aix, or maybe they should be put it off until Saturday when there is going to be a much bigger market. Now, gin and tonic anyone?