Orna Mulcahy on people we all know.
As usual, Valerie has chosen the busiest time of the year to take her holiday - walking in Bulgaria of all things - but the partners don't mind so much because Rhonda the temp has arrived. Within hours of hanging up her poncho and logging on to Valerie's computer, she seems to be on top of the job and is being utterly charming to the clients over the phone, which is a nice change. Not that Valerie isn't charming in her own way - well, in fact, she isn't - but Rhonda just seems to do things effortlessly. Without even having to be asked, she'll nip around the corner to the coffee shop to get the lattes, whereas Valerie would curl her lip in genuine disbelief and waggle her wrist in its RSI strap if anyone so much as mentioned "round the corner" and "coffee" in the same breath. Then again, Rhonda's very young, so she has bags of energy and enthusiasm.
Just the sight of her, bursting out of her wraparound dress, is quite energising, and even Mr Pugh in Probate has been seen hanging around Rhonda's cubicle, giggling and rubbing his hands in a very old-goatish way.
Meanwhile, Declan, the office Lothario, is oozing around her like an oil slick, much to the disgust of the female partners, who think the agency should have a word with her about inappropriate dress. And perfume ... Rhonda's wafts of "Angel" have everyone's sinuses going mad. Plus, she can't spell, but that's not surprising since Rhonda is not actually a secretary at all, but is just putting in time before going back to dance school.
You'd know she was a dancer, Declan says appreciatively, as Rhonda is seen gracefully bending at the waist to brush her waterfall of hair, a chin-dropping sight that the office is treated to several times a day.
As well as brushing her hair and flirting with married men, Rhonda has been busy with the work sheets and has even come up with a new system for accounts that looks very quick and easy, compared to Valerie's more Byzantine approach. This makes the partners think that Rhonda is a very bright girl indeed, and she does put in very long hours, well beyond the call of duty.
"Well, the files had gotten into a bit of a muddle," she'll say cheerfully, though of course overtime is double time. Not everyone is quite so enthusiastic about Rhonda, and the managing partner's wife thinks she's a good deal too pert on the phone, so much so that she came in all the way from Foxrock to inspect. And didn't like what she saw.
But it's only temporary, and the day comes when Rhonda whizzes around giving everyone goodbye kisses before she dances out the door with her bunch of flowers. After that, things really do get in a muddle and it's weeks later that a whole batch of files are discovered down the back of a radiator, while the fax machine is still mysteriously jammed. It seems that Rhonda was all busyness without achievement, unlike Valerie, who, when all is said and done, isn't such a bad old stick after all.