Our brains are hardwired to focus on the bad stuff. Once upon a time, that vigilance was necessary for survival. We’re not at the same risk from predators these days, but that doesn’t stop our brains from reacting to perceived threats. Hello, spiralling thoughts.
Where do they come from?
Think of your spiralling thoughts like an inverted triangle, says Linda Breathnach, member of the Irish Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy and founder of therapyandtraining.ie. Our thoughts are the wide part on top and our feelings are the pointy bit at the bottom. When we feel anxious or scared underneath, our thoughts can start to spiral up and take over, she says. “This leaves us wanting to control, pre-empt and prevent.”
Anxiety and control often occur together, she says. “Our spiralling thoughts are us trying to plan for all possible outcomes, but that’s just not feasible.” If you’ve ever found yourself tossing and turning at night, wrangling with the permutations of a conversation, a work email or even where to go on holiday, you’ll know what this feels like. The control you are seeking is a delusion, says Breathnach.
So what can I do?
If you or someone you love is wrestling with their thoughts, jumping in with yet more ideas may be counterproductive. “There is no point in trying to argue with those sometimes irrational thoughts because you are always going to lose. Somebody in that space is always going to be in that, ‘Yes, but no, but’ mode. There will always be another potential outcome – ‘If that doesn’t happen, this could happen.’”
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Instead respond with empathy and compassion, without engaging with the spiralling thoughts, says Breathnach. “Our feelings are valid. If we are feeling anxious, it’s because we are in an anxious space in our lives. These are anxious times in the world, aside from what might be going on with us personally. Our feelings are valid, yes, but our thoughts can go do-lally, so it’s really about just listening to how we feel and having empathy for that.”
Reign in your focus
There is a lot we can’t control in the world, but we can feel more empowered by focusing on what is in our control, says Breathnach. If you are in bed, tossing and turning over plans for tomorrow, get up. “Get a pen and paper and write down what you are thinking. Find some way of expressing it and parking it so that you don’t need to try to remember it. Relax and leave it until the morning.”
Offload
A worry is always 10 times heavier when it’s in your head, says Breathnach. “Depression is suppression and the best way to help it is expression.” Talking to somebody is ideal. “Somebody supportive can help us to keep in touch with the evidence and the facts. They can help us to check with reality instead of the ‘maybe’ or the possibilities.”
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“Writing the thing down and reading it back can also put a bit of objectivity between ourselves and the thing we are worrying about.”
Catastrophising can lead to high levels of stress, anxiety, and depression.