People chat at concerts these days. My advice is to move to a more respectful area of the crowd

Summer has certainly been shy so far in showing itself this year – I had to turn the cat’s electric blanket back on last week, such was her murderous stare. However, while the weather would have you reaching for the long johns, I have a sure-fire sign that summer is here every single year. I live close enough to the Royal Hospital Kilmainham in Dublin 8 to bear aural witness to the selection of outdoor concerts hosted there in June, July and August. The unmistakable thuds and clangs of stage building and sound checks sail in the window along with the dulcet tones of the main acts, as well as the crowd singalongs.

So far this year we’ve had Rod Stewart, with a stirring rendition of Grace fittingly sailing over the roof of Kilmainham Gaol. There was Longitude with its clashing stage noise, pearl-clutching outfits and thrilling closing set by Bicep (which I enjoyed with the back door open in my pyjamas. Truly, I am ready for the urn). Most recently was the Lankum-headlined In The Meadows festival which sounded dreamy as the crow flies, while anecdotally it was marred as so many live events are marred now, by people yapping.

As summer concert season gets into full swing it’s vital that you’re prepared for the talkers. While it may seem unfathomable to some to spend a small fortune on tickets and drinks and babysitters only to then stand mere metres from a musical idol and chat about Siobhan’s week in Malaga, to others it seems that this is what going to a concert means. Gab, gab, gabbing about Martin from work and so-and-so who’s gone full conspiracy theory on Facebook and who does the best billpay phone contract (this is one I experienced first-hand). There have been similar complaints about chatty atmospheres at sporting events. Rugby matches at the Aviva seem to be more about the pints and the selfies than enjoying the game. At least if you’re standing at a show, there is a solution. A concert talker will not be shushed, and even if they are there will be a weird tension between the shusher and the shushee, making the show impossible to enjoy. My advice? Move. Even if you’re losing a coveted spot or view of the stage, moving to a more respectful area of the crowd will save you a spike in blood pressure. Is there a case to be made for “no talking” areas at concerts, similar to quiet carriages on trains?

The signs were enjoyable both for their content and their small size, and seemed to appear aloft very infrequently. If you’re going to be a Sign Guy, be a CMAT Sign Guy

While the chatters may be the antithesis of diehard fans, sometimes it is the devotees who are the problem. Some artists are sign magnets, and by that I mean their fans are compelled to make banners or signs and bring them to the shows in the hope of getting noticed. At his recent concert in Páirc Uí Chaoimh, Bruce Springsteen brought Christmas to Cork in May when he and the E Street Band played Santa Claus is Coming to Town in response to a sign request in the crowd. Having attended a couple of The Boss’s gigs over the years I know that his fans are a respectful bunch and unlikely to cause any ructions with their signs. It has become common though to see footage online of people at various concerts losing the head when a giant slab of paper is held aloft for the whole show, blocking any possible view. One course of action is simply to grab and destroy, but again moving might be the most sensible course of action, if possible. At CMAT’s sell-out show in Fairvew Park earlier this month, two signs near the front of the audience caught the eye. One claimed “CMAT, I’m your cousin” and the other said “I sold you cheese in Blanch!”. The signs were enjoyable both for their content and their small size, and seemed to appear aloft very infrequently. If you’re going to be a Sign Guy, be a CMAT Sign Guy.

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If one (or many) of the forthcoming Taylor Swift gigs are in your future, take heed from her shows in the UK. The weather may not play ball and your carefully curated outfit will be no good under a puffer coat or rain mac. Plan ahead and procure a clear rain poncho so that all your efforts are not completely ruined. And look, if you have to employ the thermal underwear take heart from the fact that Taylor herself was forced to wear gloves on stage for the first time in 100 Eras Tour shows, such was the cold in Edinburgh. Cruel summer, indeed.