Dáil Sketch/Miriam Lord:No more Dáil sessions for Bertie Ahern until the last Wednesday in September. No more Leaders' Questions for the next 85 days.
No more Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning interruptions to his busy schedule. The Taoiseach's long summer holiday from Leinster House began yesterday.
He might have looked a bit more pleased about it. Wished everyone compliments of the "silly season" before he tripped lightly from the chamber. Informed the House he would be sticking a few euro behind the bar for the day that was in it.
Instead, he moped around, looking preoccupied, chewing a contemplative knuckle. Finally, following a lacklustre Leaders' Questions and a similarly snoozy Order of Business, Bertie escaped. Did he throw his papers in the air with a joyous whoop? He did not.
Of course, he doesn't officially go on holidays to Kerry for another month. In the meantime, there's the little difficulty of a possible date with the Mahon tribunal to consider. Maybe that's what has him so out of sorts . . . Then again, it could be the prospect of another year, and another stint in the tent at the Galway races that has Bertie looking so glum.
The impending break saw a mood of torpor descend on the House, with deputies just marking time until tomorrow when the Dáil rises for its ridiculously long recess.
Speaking of torpor, a heavily-sedated Ceann Comhairle assumed his duties in the Chair following his alarmingly explosive episode last Tuesday. Since "The Bull" O'Donoghue ran amok and tried to gore Fine Gael's Michael Ring, the Leinster House catering staff have been slipping Diazepam in his cattle nuts.
Meanwhile, Mr Ring's bravery in standing up the raging "Bull" had its own reward last Sunday. "I got a round of applause in the church," the Mouth of Mayo told us proudly.
When Ceann Comhairle O'Donoghue spoke yesterday - a rare occurrence - he did so in calm and measured tones. He sat far back in his chair, hands on his knees, not a peep out of him.
He let deputies talk at length about the huge seizure of cocaine that was made off the Cork coast on Monday.
Labour leader Pat Rabbitte wanted to know if the Government intends to establish a coastal protection service and allocate more resources to the Customs or Naval Service.
The Taoiseach's holiday head appeared to be away on the beaches of Kerry instead of with Mr Rabbitte in the remote inlets of Cork. He muttered aloud, and at length, from his briefing notes.
A listless Opposition let him drone on, apart from Fine Gael's PJ Sheehan, who hails from the west Cork costal village of Goleen, near where the massive cargo of cocaine surfaced.
"I am told the street value of the haul would be well in excess of €100m. This is a matter of serious concern," said Bertie.
"You could double that, Taoiseach," shouted across PJ, who hasn't been so energised since his famous jousts with Charlie Haughey nearly two decades ago. "Take that from a man who knows!" Deputy Sheehan (74) was high as a kite, a big smile on his face. Goleen is awash with coke, and PJ, as the local representative, is revelling in it.
Bertie talked about how the authorities "were lucky to intercept" this latest illegal consignment of cocaine.
"You may thank d'elemints" harrumphed PJ. Bertie corrected himself a few minutes later. "There was no intelligence, it was an act of God."
Leaders' Questions ran a full 10 minutes over time. At their conclusion, the "Bull" managed to rouse himself sufficiently to comment that he had let matters "run their natural course."
He wasn't happy with the result. "This was too much. I'll really have to apply the Standing Orders," he threatened.
"We'll have great fun in October," snorted Enda Kenny.
The "Bull" looked miserable. They'll have to double his dose of cattle nuts when the Dáil resumes.