Dáil Sketch: The Taoiseach chose the wrong metaphor yesterday when, assuring us that the Irish e-voting system would bear no comparison to the one used in Florida, he said it was a case of "apples and oranges".
Unfortunately, this is exactly what the Opposition parties fear. As they see it, the Government's election computers will be about as verifiable as fruit machines, and capable of producing results that could be apples, oranges, or even - in the worst-case scenario - bananas.
Enda Kenny again led the assault on the proposed system, accusing the Government of "unbridled arrogance" in its approach to changing "the method of voting that has been the cornerstone of this democracy for 90 years".
Given Fine Gael's electoral performance during that time, Enda could be forgiven for trying his luck on the one-arm bandits. But his party remains deeply sceptical about the whole business.
When Mr Ahern boasted that the Dutch company responsible for the voting machines had "30 years of experience" in producing accurate results, Padraic McCormack asked bitterly: "Have they any experience dealing with Fianna Fáil?"
Mr Kenny wanted the Taoiseach to be "big enough to back off" his commitment to paperless electronics.
Far from backing off, however, the Government came out fighting from yesterday's Cabinet discussion on the issue.
The nearest thing to a compromise was when Mr Ahern invited the opposition to join him and the Government "in the 21st century".
Bernard Allen, whose success in exploiting the issue had clearly riled the Taoiseach, got the full works.
"The deputy wants to keep old ways, old things, the old nonsensical past," sneered Thoroughly Modern Bertie. "Deputy Allen wants the Cork South-Central count to go on for five days after the general electionthe backwards way," he added. Later, he claimed the Irish people were "the biggest software experts in the world", and contrasted this with the opposition's wish to be still "dawdling around with paper".
Mr Ahern was again the Government's front-man on the issue yesterday, but at least this time he had the company of Martin Cullen, the minister responsible for the new technology, just returned from a trip to Malaysia.
Last week's climb-down on the need for legislation had happened, in the words of Joe Higgins, "while Mr Cullen was getting the hang of his chopsticks". But if the Minister's clumsy fingers had dropped a hot potato in the Government's lap, he was in no way apologetic.
Pat Rabbitte also had a swipe at the minister's travels, when he warned Mr Cullen that there were "precedents for Napoleonic figures returning from the Far East and biting the dust". This was a reference to an occasion when a certain Fianna Fáil Taoiseach returned from Japan to an embarrassing Dáil defeat. Not even comparisons with Napoleon and Charlie Haughey were enough to put Mr Cullen off, however. And last night he was still refusing to abandon his position that the safeguards sought by the Opposition were not worth the paper they wouldn't be written on.
