Better Hi-fi value

Just when things were looking decidedly bleak regarding my wedding plans, an act of kindness by an old and very dear friend has…

Just when things were looking decidedly bleak regarding my wedding plans, an act of kindness by an old and very dear friend has saved the day. As revealed last week, the venue for our wedding, the beautiful, 17th-century mansion, Lurretstown House, in Co Mayo, where we were planning to celebrate our very special day, was burnt down by members of the cast of a mid-1970s production of Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. This disgusting act of vandalism was carried out because of a grudge they've held against me for 25 years after a casual remark I made on the Late Late when I was a naive 14-year-old. It was also a crude attempt at intimidation aimed at dissuading me from setting up a Tribunal which would name them publicly; something which I am currently prevented from doing for legal reasons.

Stop whatever you're doing and send me some money. Now!!!!!

Better hi-fi value

Comic Relief

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BBC 1, Friday

Just when things were looking decidedly bleak regarding my wedding plans, an act of kindness by an old and very dear friend has saved the day. As revealed last week, the venue for our wedding, the beautiful, 17th-century mansion, Lurretstown House, in Co Mayo, where we were planning to celebrate our very special day, was burnt down by members of the cast of a mid-1970s production of Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. This disgusting act of vandalism was carried out because of a grudge they've held against me for 25 years after a casual remark I made on the Late Late when I was a naive 14-year-old. It was also a crude attempt at intimidation aimed at dissuading me from setting up a Tribunal which would name them publicly; something which I am currently prevented from doing for legal reasons. Happily though, an old school-friend, Harry Bolger, of Bolger Electronics in Talbot Street, promised that he would place his beautiful home, St Trinianan's, in Borris-On-Ossory, at our disposal for the intended nuptials. In return, he asked only the small favour that I would perhaps mention in this column some of the outstanding value currently to be had at his city centre outlet. Certainly, his promotional brochure is highly informative about some of the recent developments in hi-fi and the various bargains currently to be found at BOLGER ELECTRONICS. For instance, if you are considering buying a hi-fi unit for the first time, it is important to weigh up the various options. The main question which a first time buyer should ask is: should I buy a midi-system or separates? A midi-system is compact and portable, and usually consists of an integrated amplifier, CD and tape unit connected to speakers. Some models currently on sale at BOLGER ELECTRONICS also feature an integrated radio ("tuner") or mini-disc player. Separates, on the other hand, are units which can be purchased individually, and played through an amplifier. While more expensive, the advantages of separates include greater sound quality and durability. Also, the individual CD players, tape decks etc., can be constantly updated. The highly trained sales team at BOLGER ELECTRONICS will be only to happy to discuss your individual needs, and to demonstrate the different sound qualities of top brands which are available at BOLGER ELECTRONICS. One of the most important components of a hi-fi system is an amplifier. BOLGER ELECTRONICS offers amplifiers to suit every budget. A very popular seller is the KWAIAWA D444F ProLogic home cinema system on sale at £999. The sound really has to be heard to be believed, as it is just like watching a film in a real cinema. For the serious hi-fi enthusiast, it is always worth investing in quality speaker cable. At BOLGER ELECTRONICS, the WEMBLEY INTERCONNECT cable is on sale at £10,000 a square yard. Sounds expensive? But just listen to the difference in sound quality. At BOLGER ELECTRONICS, a specialist interconnect cable expert, DEREK YOUNG, is on duty 24 hours a day, 356 days of the year, to demonstrate the remarkable performance quality of interconnecting cables such as the aforementioned WEMBLEY, and also the PACIFIC WX3 (£20,000 an inch) and the PACIFIC LUXURY SUPER CABLE CONNECT (£4 million a millimetre) as used in the world famous Abbey Road studios. Whatever your hi-fi needs, you'll be well catered for at BOLGER ELECTRONICS.

Rather disappointingly, I have had to revise the weekly target figure which I was hoping to raise from readers of this column to fund my campaign to set up a Tribunal (see above) to name the men who burnt down my house (and also Lurretstown Castle). I had set an initial target of £30,000 a week, but as the amount of money that has come in so far has fallen well short of that figure*, I have decided to set the target at a more realistic £5 - annually. If Comic Relief can raise £17 million in one night, then I don't think a fiver over the course of a year is unattainable. This year we have raised . . . (drum roll) £5! Stop whatever you're doing and send me some money. Now!!!!!

* Nothing.

Arthur Mathews's comic novel, Well Remembered Days, is published by Macmillan