DÁIL SKETCH/MIRIAM LORD:REALLY, IT isn't fair to blame the Government. The Government is only following orders. Doctors' orders, in this case.
The Taoiseach introduced a new twist to a familiar tale during Leaders' Questions. Normally, when he pulls on his well-worn Bertie the Bystander mantle, it's the "independent consultants" or the "eminent legal people" who take the hit for the latest crisis. When the political road gets rocky, some outsourced arm of Government, like the HSE, is rolled out to stop the buck.
Meanwhile, Bertie the Bystander stands in the Dáil chamber, shakes his head in frustration and cites faceless third parties if a time comes for taking responsibility.
Oh, things have reached a pretty pass, right enough. It's a terrible situation, but what's a Taoiseach and his Government to do? They've engaged the best minds money can buy to produce reports and working frameworks.
Yesterday, it was the turn of the "medical clinicians" to take the rap. That's a first.
Fine Gael and Labour leaders highlighted the frightening figures revealed on Saturday by The Irish Times, which revealed public hospital patients having to wait up to a year and a half for crucial tests to determine whether or not they have certain types of cancer.
It doesn't bear thinking about. Fortunately, if you have private medical insurance, it's a worry you don't have to bear. In addressing this distressing state of affairs, the Taoiseach stopped short of accusing the Opposition and media of scaremongering, but he tried to play down the gravity of the situation for public patients who have been told by their GPs to get themselves tested.
"It is important to distinguish between urgent and routine cases" he stressed. Places on the queue are "based on clinical need." Enda Kenny reminded the Taoiseach of Susie Long.
"Susie Long was non-urgent" said Enda Kenny. "That's why she waited seven months [ for a colonoscopy]. That's why she died." Bertie mumbled on, reading from briefing notes, as his backbenchers cowered.
Geographical location has its part to play, he ventured. It's down to where people live as to whether they might have to wait for three months or 18 months for the procedure. This, he appeared to be indicating, was a plus point.
That in Ireland, accidents of birth may determine incidents of death. Bertie slipped into bystander mode again. "I agree, that seems to be an extraordinarily wide span, but that's the decision that medical clinicians are making."
Eamon Gilmore hit the nail on the head. "Taoiseach, if you or I went to the doctor and the doctor recommended that we go and get a colonoscopy, you or I wouldn't wait 18 months to get it done." Bertie kept his eyes down.
His Ministers remained quiet and the backbenchers, who have been getting it in the neck at their clinics from worried constituents, sat in pensive silence. Perhaps, probably like most of the people in the chamber and on the press gallery, they were giving unspoken thanks for the benefits of a good salary and VHI membership.
Gilmore remarked he didn't see why the Taoiseach and his Government should expect people to have to wait for the service because they don't have enough money to pay for it. "Just because they are not well off enough doesn't mean they should be put to greater risk of dying."
Bertie repeated that urgent cases are sent for tests after two or three days at best, and at worst, within five weeks. Depending on the geography.
Colonoscopy schedules are determined on need, he argued. "That's a medical position. Thankfully, in this country, politicians don't act as clinicians."
Labour's Kathleen Lynch was seething. "If only they'd act as politicians," she snapped.
People get the best slots available, continued Bertie.
Kathleen Lynch was incensed at his insistence that all urgent cases are treated rapidly. She turned his logic back on him.
"So eventually, everyone will become an urgent case. Is that what you're saying?"
Bertie sighed. "Let's not be silly," he murmured.
That's easy for him to say.