Many citizens will be prevented from fully sharing the experience of Ireland's EU presidency because of the obscure language in which the European project is shrouded. But it needn't be like this. Here are explanations of some of the key terms in simple English:
Acquis: the accumulated treaties and laws of the EU are known as the acquis communautaire, from the French words acquis (meaning "collection of rules") and communautaire (meaning "the size of Belgium"). New member states must "accept the acquis" before joining, or else EU officials will force them to read it.
Architecture of Europe/Three Pillars: Central to the EU's "architecture" are the so-called "three pillars". These are the agreements establishing the European Community ("first pillar"); the common security policy ("second pillar"), and co-operation on policing ("third pillar"). The prospects for Ireland's presidency adding to this architecture are so bleak that the Dublin Agreement has already been dubbed "Nelson's Pillar" by some commentators.
Copenhagen Criteria: Also known as the "accession criteria", these are the tests new members must meet, in order to join the club. Before being shown the secret handshakes, however, they must also run the gauntlet of the notorious "Petersberg Tasks" (see below).
Democratic Deficit: The perceived remoteness of EU institutions from the people is the single greatest problem facing the union, and is now being addressed urgently by a high-level group of officials, who can't be named for reasons of political sensitivity. Meanwhile, the Forum on Europe, which has held a series of public meetings around Ireland, is a practical attempt by the EU to get closer to the people. Judging by the response, however, the people are not ready for intimacy at this stage of the relationship.
Ecofin: A hugely expensive underwater research project involving dolphins. The fish are being fitted with sonar equipment capable of tracking their movements over great distances. If the research is successful, it is hoped there will be applications in the area of controlling MEPs' expenses.
First/Second Wave: These surfing terms are used to describe negotiations with accession states, the latest series of which began in 1998. The "first wave" countries included Hungary and Poland, while the "second wave" featured the likes of Bulgaria and Romania. Turkey was attempting to catch a third wave when it was involved in a freak collision somewhere off the coast of the Copenhagen Criteria. EU lifeguards are now conducting a search of the area.
Four Freedoms: A central achievement of the EU has been to create a multinational region in which (1) people, (2) goods, (3) services, and (4) money can move without obstruction. These are often called the "four freedoms". They should not to be confused with the "four freebies" (whiskey, smoked salmon, inscribed mugs, and CDs about Ireland) which visiting journalists and officials can expect during the Irish presidency.
Laeken Declaration: The so-called "Laeken Declaration" was a famous expense claim lodged by the late German MEP, Wolfgang Laeken, after a visit to Strasbourg in 1971. His landmark use of multiplication, and his revolutionary interpretation of "secretarial costs" blazed a trail for expense claims from the 1970s onwards.
The Lisbon Agenda: So-called because it was an agenda first drawn up at a meeting in Prague in 1999. One of its aims was to study the disorienting effect on European officials of too much travel.
The Luxembourg Compromise: The location of the tiny Grand Duchy between France and Germany lent itself to this expression for resolving minor disagreements between the two great powers. Whenever such a difference arose, one of the parties would joke that - like Luxembourg - it was "only a small thing, that shouldn't be allowed to get in the way".
Petersberg Tasks: EU officials love playing practical jokes, especially on naïve new member states. The so-called "Petersberg Tasks" involve sending junior officials from accession countries on meaningless but amusing errands. For example, a new arrival at Commission headquarters may be asked to go and meet another official who is waiting in the foyer, "under the third pillar". Another popular trick is to ask somebody to pick up documents from the headquarters of the OFEA (Office of Fictitious European Acronyms).
Qualified Majority Voting (QMV): Only 53 per cent - a small majority - of European Parliament members have read the EU treaties from cover to cover, and so understand what's going on. These MEPs are thus described as "qualified". On issues that matter, only members of this "qualified majority" are allowed to vote, a process that depends on the unqualified minority not finding out about the debates in advance. Unqualified MEPs who do find out and attempt to participate may be diverted by requests to perform the "Petersberg Tasks".
The Single Market: A sardonically named but popular Brussels nightclub, frequented by unattached members of commission staff.