Compiled by Carl O'Brien
DIY Declans lay platform for FF
The humble Breakfast Roll Man has been taking all the credit for winning the election for Bertie.
Surely this is unfair on other groups in the country who have been helpfully provided with labels by Ireland's favourite pop-economist, David McWilliams.
All signs are that a fair number of DIY Declans took time out from putting down decking in the back garden to vote Fianna Fáil. Low GI Jane also plumped for the soldiers of destiny, probably on the way back from yoga class. We also presume the Kells Angels voted early and often for Bertie on Friday in order to beat rush-hour.
Judging by the Taoiseach's hostile comments about the media on Friday night, we can take it one group didn't vote for Bertie in droves: the commentariat.
Roche up to neck in water crises
What is it with Dick Roche and contaminated water supplies? Even as he topped the poll in Wicklow, staff at the count centre in Arklow were coping with a suspected water pollution crisis.
Water tankers needed to be brought to the centre prevent parched party workers and count staff from dehydrating.
Apparently, council officials had reason to suspect the water could have been tampered with and took the step as a precautionary measure.
There was one positive for Roche: at least this was one water controversy he could legitimately blame on someone else.
Quote, unquote
"You won't have me to kick around any more."
- PJ Mara, as he announces his retirement as Fianna Fáil's director of elections
Bertie hits snooze button
Margaret Thatcher famously boasted she only needed about five hours of sleep when she was prime minister. Bertie, though, has gone one better than the Iron Lady.
"I worked off four hours sleep," he told RTÉ on Friday evening, as he described fighting a long and arduous campaign. "I'm a tough guy, but that does wear on the body."
It certainly did. Yesterday he gave us a slightly different impression of his superhuman exploits. He told RTÉ's This Weekprogramme he only woke up on Friday afternoon at 4.20pm. We make that a marathon sleep of about 15 or 16 hours.
Looks like we'll have to ditch the Bertie "Iron Man" Ahern nickname, then.
Quote, unquote
"The people have spoken, but it may take a bit of time to work out what they've said."
- Labour's Joan Burton, quoting Bill Clinton, as she speculated on what government may eventually be formed
Letter shenanigans in Dublin Central floor Fitzpatrick
Is this the letter which denied Fianna Fáil's Cllr Mary Fitzpatrick a Dáil seat? The notice arrived in letterboxes of constituents across Dublin Central early on polling day, urging voters to give Ahern their No 1, followed by Cyprian Brady and Mary Fitzpatrick.
The problem with the strategy was that Fitzpatrick was kept in the dark about it. Needless to say, she's incandescent with rage, blaming the strategy for losing her seat.
The winner out of it? Ahern's close running mate Cyprian Brady. Could he, by any chance, have had anything to do with the early morning letter-drop? Could there be a new pretender to the title of most skilful, most cunning, most devious of them all?
Quote, unquote
"I don't do hysterics."
- Mary O'Rourke, when asked if she was worried when tally results indicated that her hopes of winning back her Dáil seat were in doubt
Gormley's finger off the pulse
John Gormley is a talented public representative and campaigner - but maybe he should hold off taking a job as a political pundit.
As opinion polls last week began to show a major swing towards Fianna Fáil, the Green Party TD insisted to readers of his blog that there was no sign of it on the ground.
"I don't get any hint of this massive surge to FF," he wrote on May 22nd. "If anything, there is a huge anti-Government swing. I genuinely hope we can get an alternative government when the votes are counted."
To his credit, he predicted he'd end up in a dogfight with his old nemesis Michael McDowell for the last seat.
"Something like that would not have been credible three weeks ago," he wrote. "What a strange business."