Dehorned Bull has no reply for tormentors

That's that, then. Back where we left off, with a few Greens and a new Ceann Comhairle thrown in for diversion

That's that, then. Back where we left off, with a few Greens and a new Ceann Comhairle thrown in for diversion. Same old Government. Same old Ministers. Same old Opposition.

Apparently we had an election only a few weeks ago. It was quite exciting, but now the Dáil is back and it's like nothing ever happened.

Even Bertie Ahern seemed fed up yesterday. Third term under his belt, back in power, must get on, work to be done and all that. Only for the fact he was sitting in the Taoiseach's chair, it would have been easy to presume he had lost the election.

Hardly a smile out of him all day. He looked war-weary: head down, studying his hands, the weight of the world on his shoulders.

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Not so the rest of his party, strutting back to their rightful berth at the business end of the chamber. Not an hour into the 30th Dáil, and even the new TDs were beginning to look like they owned the place.

There wasn't even much fretting over ministerial posts. Dick Roche's glum expression told its own story, while Brian Lenihan strolled in and sat with outgoing ministers on the front bench.

It didn't seem like the Taoiseach was going to ring the changes with his new Cabinet. Ambitious deputies have long resigned themselves to the fact that Bertie Ahern is not the type of man to creep up behind you and burst a paper bag.

True to form, just after teatime, he led his newly appointed officers into the Dáil chamber. So far, so humdrum.

Dick Roche was the only minister to lose out, demoted to the junior ministry he held before his elevation to environment. He put a brave face on it.

There'll be no wielding of axes by Bertie. That'll be a job for his successor, and backbenchers hungry for a big job are hoping that Brian Cowen can be ruthless where Bertie was toothless.

Apart from Dick, the only other minister to feel a fang was John O'Donoghue, shunted into the rich political pasture of the Ceann Comhairle's office. In giving the chair to the Bull O'Donoghue, Bertie freed up the slot he needed to give to one of the incoming Greens.

A dehorned Bull graciously accepted the push, sweetened as it is with automatic reselection for the next Dáil, a car and driver, plenty of overseas travel, lots of time to go to the races and a handsome salary.

John's ascent to the chair provided one of the few bright spots, and his stewardship of the silver gong looks set to be very entertaining.

The Opposition immediately identified him as a target, with Labour leader Pat Rabbitte firing off a few shots across his bow as soon as Bertie nominated him. In the interests of democracy and causing trouble, he put forward deputy Ruairí Quinn for the job.

Picking his first fight of the new term, he wondered if the former Fianna Fáil minister, who had been so partisan in his views, would be up to the task.

"Scurrilous!" they snorted from the Government benches.

And poor John, God love him, could say nothing. A few months ago, he would have erupted in the face of such provocation. It quickly became clear that the Opposition is determined to goad him into losing his head. Pat Rabbitte, in particular, will have him tormented.

The Bull's constituency colleague, Jackie Healy-Rae, rushed to congratulate him. The two men are keen rivals when it comes to blowing their own trumpets locally - which one of them actually secured the funding for the pier at Cromane is still hotly contested.

"I wish him many long and happy years in the seat in which he is now sitting," puffed Jackie from his seat up in the gods beside fellow Independent jackpot winner, Finian McGrath.

That's the removal of one major impediment to the son taking over the seat at the next election.

"Shtanding here this evening, I guarantee the Ceann Comhairle that if there is a bad pothole around Waterville, on Dursey Island in Wesht Cork or anywhere in Cahirciveen, I will do my vurry besht to sort them out and I'll keep ooo well informed all the time," declared Jackie, as his slick of hair glinted under the lights.

Having bagged "milluns and milluns" of euro for south Kerry, Jackie was entitled to be in good spirits. This led Pat Rabbitte to conclude that John O'Donoghue was no longer required in the constituency "given the extent of the booty making its way down in the back of deputy Healy-Rae's car".

During the vote on Ceann Comhairle, Deputy Michael Lowry voted with the Government and fell in alongside Bertie as they went through the lobby. The two had a little chat, now that Michael is on Bertie's payroll.

The public gallery was packed with family members of the new TDs. One lady produced a camcorder and proceeded to film the proceedings. There were children everywhere. Tots were being hoisted into the air at a ferocious rate on the plinth.

Bertie's grandsons, Rocco and Jay, were in his office for the occasion. Minister for Foreign Affairs Dermot Ahern took a photo of them with his mobile phone. The bar was besieged all day. They had to remove the stools. The crowd stretched out the door. The no-cameras rule went out the window.

Outside the gates, earlier in the day, the new arrivals celebrated with their supporters. FF's Timmy Dooley appeared to have brought the entire population of Mountshannon in Clare, while colleague, Christy O'Sullivan from west Cork, sprayed a bottle of champagne about, Formula One style.

Meanwhile, the Greens were moving in a pack. Some were still a little fragile from Wednesday night's celebrations, but they were in flying form.

Minister for Education Mary Hanafin wore a coat embroidered with flowers as a gesture of solidarity, while Micheál Martin recalled how he was laughed at in 2000 when he insisted that fresh fruit be supplied at cabinet meetings. A man before his time.

In tandem with targeting John O'Donoghue, the Opposition pinpointed the Greens for attack yesterday, starting as they mean to go on. They'll have a torrid time of it.

Bertie went off the the Áras to tell the President he was still around. Three hours later, he was back again with his new Cabinet.

The new Ministers travelled together on a bus. Green Minister Eamon Ryan wanted to cycle over, but he wasn't allowed.

Bertie had cheered up considerably by then. Business as usual.

Miriam Lord

Miriam Lord

Miriam Lord is a colour writer and columnist with The Irish Times. She writes the Dáil Sketch, and her review of political happenings, Miriam Lord’s Week, appears every Saturday