Bertie's perfect bedside book has just been published. It's an excellent work which could have been put together by caring friends to help their pal through a dark period in his linguistic life.
Call it a verbal dig- out for a man who has successfully majored in politics as a foreign language.
In fact, if A Plain English Guide to Politics wasn't available for free, Opposition leaders would gladly organise a whip-around to buy the Taoiseach a copy.
Revised ethical standards notwithstanding, he'd never accept it. The Fianna Fáil leader didn't get where he is today by making sense. The nearest Bertie is likely to get to exploring matters plain is in a pint glass at his local.
Perhaps the National Adult Literacy Agency (Nala) might post him one of its excellent booklets under plain covers. Unlike the Taoiseach's penchant for mangled meanings, its contents are a model of clarity.
The guide aims to help the public become more familiar with some of the more common political terms in use today, and is published with an eye to the forthcoming general election.
The booklet is not just for people with literacy difficulties.
"We are trying to make communications effective for all audiences," says Tommy Byrne of Nala, "but if politics is complex for most people, it's doubly difficult to understand for people with low levels of literacy."
In alphabetical order, the booklet romps through a list of words and phrases, from Absentee Ballot to Winner-Take-All, by way of Neo-Cons, Political Literacy, Asbos, Proportional Representation, Marginal Seats, Military Rule and Whistleblowers.
Definitions are short and straightforward.
Some entries are welcome, if unexpected.
"Brown Envelope: a term referring to the practice of politicians receiving illegal payments (in brown envelopes) in exchange for favours."
"Dirty Politics: Unethical and illegal methods to gain political advantage (see also Mudslinging)."
"Fat Cat: A slang term for a wealthy, influential person who contributes a lot of money to a political party or campaign."
Some omissions are unexpected. Gubu is missing. E-voting missed the cut. The Drumcondra Mafia isn't there. Dig-out has been dropped.
A Plain English Guide to Political Terms is in local libraries, it can be downloaded from the Nala website (www.nala.ie) and some copies still remain at the agency's headquarters at 76 Lr Gardiner Street, Dublin 1
