COME on. Confess. Have you ever pocketed one of those dinky sets of inflight cutlery you get with the airline's logo on them? Or the pretty little wine glasses? Or even the paper napkin with "Executive Class" printed on it? Just as a souvenir, you understand, picked up as you pass through that exclusive domain of the financially fortunate flier. Never? You mean I'm the only one? Well, here's something else I've done once, when on a flight from Paris to London, I told the cabin crew I had ordered a vegetarian meal when I hadn't.
Now, however, having spent a day being shown the length to which airline caterers go to provide passengers with the sort of food they have especially asked for. I realise that last crime was the armpits: aircraft galleys are cramped places with room only for a precise number of dishes. Get it wrong, and someone goes hungry. In my case, it was the cabin crew who had a whip round to provide me with spuds and greenery off their own plates. That's what people like them have to put up with from passengers like me.
The best way to ensure you get the meal you've specially asked for is to order it when you make your reservation. Travel agencies operate a booking system called Galileo and it is into this your request is logged. Paddy Kelly, executive chef with Aer Lingus, checks the print out in his flight kitchen in Dublin Airport every day. Special requests are noted, prepared, cooked and put on a tray, together with a card with the passenger's name on it. The tray is put in a cool room to chill. From there, it is loaded onto the aircraft and reconstituted (heated up, to you and me).
The special meals most often requested are vegetarian and this demand is increasing. But there is a wide variety of options available and most airlines carry at least six or seven choices, including non gluten, vegan, high fibre, low calorie, Kosher, Muslim and, in some cases, Hindu. It's always worth asking, therefore, for what you want. Most requests fall into a health, dietary or religious category, though some Americans, it seems, can't cross the pond without a meal of hot dogs and coleslaw on the way.
Paddy Kelly was asked once for sushi but declined to produce it: "Food safety is our prime concern and sushi is difficult. If the flight was delayed, it could go off and we can't take that risk." His kitchen has a staff of 138 which provides around 7,000 in flight meals on a busy day, of which five per cent will be vegetarian. He gets his Kosher meals prepacked the seal is broken by the passenger - from a supplier in Wembley where the preparation has been supervised by the London Rabbinate. Muslim meals need not be halal as long as something like fish or chicken and rice is offered. Hindu meals are often simply vegetarian.
Gate Gourmet, the international company which caters for nearly all the airlines except Aer Lingus, gets its Kosher meals from a company in Switzerland. These are expensive and may cost an airline up to £25 per meal, though there is no extra charge to the passenger for special meals. "We don't get many Kosher requests," says Gate Gourmet's general manager Andy Woltemath, "and anyway it's our job to provide what we're asked for, with in reason."
No one has ever asked for anything outrageous - just different. One passenger could eat nothing but crackers and cheese, and when Benazir Bhutto was here, her own staff took over one of the airport kitchens and then sent out for beefburgers.
RONA Johnson, catering manager for Virgin CityJet, was checking out airline's new summer menu when I visited the Gate Gourmet kitchen at Dublin Airport. "We offer a hot breakfast until 11 a.m. and that can be adapted to a special request," she said. "Then, for the rest of the day, we serve a light meal. A vegetarian meal is always available, provided passengers order at least 24 hours in advance, and we're just about to introduce a prepacked, heated multi grain cheese roll with Dalkey mustard for our Leisure Class passengers." Leisure Class? Yup, folks, that's us - the indolent, economy crowd at the back of the aircraft.
Virgin CityJet also provides special food of a more festive nature: "If a couple are going off on a wedding anniversary trip," says Rona, "one of them might ask us to lay on a special cake. Or maybe a bottle of champagne, if someone wants to celebrate an award, say.
In Shannon, Owen Hoctor, catering manager of Shannon Catering, may, during the high season, have to provide up to 10,000 meals a day, many of them for transatlantic flights: "The meals we get asked for most are vegetarian and diabetic. And fish rather than meat. We're not an a la carte restaurant and food is being served at 30,000 feet from a limited storage space, but I hate to say no to any request, so we do what we can."
In Cork, where they provide up to 560 meals on a quiet day, the catering is done by Campbells, of Bewley's fame.
SAS, who use the services of Gate Gourmet, provide meals, among others, for people with special allergies, as do most of the airlines. "If you suffer from an allergy," says Rona Johnson, "and you haven't ordered a special meal, you can always check what you're eating because our menus all list the ingredients."
"I left Dublin Airport with a gift set of airline cutlery in my pocket. I'm not saying what the logo was or how I acquired it, but note this: I am now a reformed nicker of airline collectibles.