It needed to be said "over and over that the Church has got it wrong on suicide", the north Belfast priest Fr Aidan Troy said last night.
Fr Troy led an ecumenical "Service of Light" in Dublin for family and friends bereaved by suicide, hosted by the suicide support group, Console.
Speaking before the service, he said people who have lost loved ones to suicide grieved with a particular "intensity".
"We need to stop the stigma the Church has attached to suicide in the past and reassure them that their loved ones are safe and with God."
There were "horrendous" stories, he said, of people's loved ones not being allowed to be buried on consecrated ground. He had heard another story in the past five years, he said, of a priest not permitting music to be played at the funeral of someone who died by suicide. "We cannot punish those left behind like that."
The ecumenical service, held at All Hallows College, was attended by over 500 people. Paul Kelly, spokesman for Console, said the organisation had been "overwhelmed" by the numbers who attended last year's service, which was the first. "We were expecting maybe a hundred people and almost 500 people came. It highlights powerfully how big the problem is out there."
Some 457 people died by suicide in Ireland in 2004 - 356 men and 101 women. Losing someone to suicide, "absolutely crushes and devastates" families, said Mr Kelly.
He said a huge part of grieving for someone lost by suicide was self-blame and guilt, and Fr Troy referred to this in his address. He said it was important that we "forgive ourselves of all blame".
Central to last night's service was a candle-lighting ceremony and a minute's silence in memory of those absent loved ones. Everyone who attended was also given a golden star on which to write a message to those they remembered, to place on a Christmas tree in the church.
Writer and broadcaster Gareth O'Callaghan, who has spoken of his battles with depression, spoke and there was music from the band Acabella. Frances Black sang The Falling Leaves, Mary Coughlan sang I'm Still In Love, and Mary Black sang Wonder Child and Something Inside So Strong.
Fr Troy said the great thing the service gave to people was a sense of solidarity. "It's a very lonely track for people," he said.
Console has a 24-hour, free helpline for people bereaved by suicide, open all through Christmas. It can be reached on 1800-201890. Its number in Dublin is 01-8574300 and in Galway 091-537333.
