With State, university and other school examinations on the horizon, parents tend to be more vigilant about children's application to school homework and preparation for examinations. Patience, good humour, expressions of encouragement, support and understanding are essential aspects to helping children with homework. Certainly, the absence of crossness, criticism, comparisons, cynicism, sarcasm and impatience is crucial to creating a positive environment for children to enjoy and be challenged by study. Children never become motivated by adults verbally, non-verbally (the cross face, the disapproving look, the defensive body posture) or physically hurting or threatening them.

As George Bernard Shaw said: "you cannot cure children's problems by hurting them." When children hate and avoid - and do the minimum of - study, patient and compassionate exploration is required to get to the reasons why they have become turned off learning. After all, a huge percentage of adults go for the average in their lives, do not seek promotion in their jobs, avoid new challenges and new friendships, do not examine new philosophies and spiritualities and, generally, stick with what they know.

These parents are in no mature place to inspire their children with the expansiveness, adventure and challenge of learning. It is wise for parents to check that what they request and encourage in their children is a case of not "do as I say" but "do as I do".

Children imitate the actions of adults, not their words. In any case, only 7 per cent of communication is verbal. Even before children reach any proficient use of language, they have long sussed out how their parents operate in life. It is easier on children when parents set a routine, daily time for homework. They need to ensure that when homework is being done there are no distractions - such as television - and children will complete it more quickly. It is best that children do homework apart from each other and there needs to be a clear rule that they do not interfere with each other during homework. If they do interrupt each other, whether by teasing, making noises or invading each other's space, then a clearly defined sanction must follow. When there are problems of self-esteem within families, children can be very cruel to each other, and it is important that parents do not let children get away with either physically or verbally abusing each other. A child's life can be made miserable if an older brother or sister dominates and controls. Parents are the persons in charge of the family and older siblings must not be allowed to control younger children.

When children are doing their homework, let them know that help is available and be sure to look in on them, giving words of praise and encouragement - and perhaps a "treat". When homework is completed, it is important that one of the parents checks the child's effort, praises the attainment achieved and points out where the next effort needs to be focused. Where there has been a genuine and sincere effort, even though the children may get something wrong, put the emphasis on what they have attained and let the teacher shape up the next effort needed within the classroom. Do not get a child to repeat homework just because some mistakes have been made. This is very punishing for children and homework now begins to have punishing associations. It is, of course, a different situation if mistakes occur because the effort made was rushed, careless or sloppy. Then, parents need to be positively firm. Finally, following homework, the best reward is always affirmation and praise, but children may also be rewarded with a favoured activity. This practice leads to children having positive associations with homework. In carrying out these suggestions regarding homework it is important that predictability and consistency are maintained. If parents or other child-minders cannot be patient and calm with children's homework efforts and the mistakes they make, it is best that they are not involved in helping with homework. Where children are consistently either attempting to avoid homework or are overdiligent and even scrupulous, these need to be recognised as signs of avoidance, hostility and perfectionism and as revelations of self-esteem difficulties. Attention to the child's self-esteem is then a priority.

Dr Tony Humphreys is a consultant clinical psychologist and author of A Different Kind of Discipline