REAL WORLD: When it came to organising childcare, Marlene McCormack did the obvious thing - she consulted the consumers, her  children, she tells Jackie Bourke

Juggling a full time job outside the home and meeting the needs of four children, aged 19 to 10 years, is surely some challenge. Tempting, perhaps, to implement a "do as I say and no questions asked" policy, to ensure some sort of order each day. However, since she became a parent almost 20 years ago, Marlene McCormack, a trainer with the Irish Pre-school Playgroups Association (IPPA), has always preferred to consult and negotiate with her children.

"My basic approach has always been one of listening and talking with the children. I would say it came from my own mother's parenting style; she's very easy- going and open.

"I always found young children fascinating, had a sense of wonder and respect for what they said. In fact, they amaze me with the profound statements they came out with!"

Yet choosing to negotiate with children is not without its drawbacks for the adult concerned. "When you genuinely listen to children, you have to be prepared to meet them halfway, which means adults having to compromise plans and schedules. Bringing children up in the questioning mode can be a challenge."

Marlene began working outside home when her youngest child, Sorcha, was two years old, and even then only on a "very part-time basis". For the first few years, both grandmothers took care of Sorcha, as necessary, but when Sorcha was eight, Marlene was offered a full-time job.

"I had to really negotiate with all the children at that stage, especially Sorcha. I wasn't going to be there after school all the time any more, and if you are making such a huge shift, you would have to consult with them.

"You have to respect the children, which ultimately empowers them. Listening to them and coming some of the way with them is important for their self-esteem. So I talked to Sorcha on her own and asked her how we would work this new situation out. We considered a number of options and what she wanted was to be minded by someone with a child her age, someone she knew, who I also knew, and who lived in her neighbourhood.

"With that in mind, I spoke to two friends of mine who live locally and Sorcha is looked after by June on Monday and Tuesday afternoons, and Kathleen the other three afternoons. The arrangement suits everyone."

Sorcha herself believes it is very important for parents to talk to children about childcare.

"They can't just send you," she says. "You both have to feel comfortable. A good childminder should have other children my age, I should get fed and they should be nice to me. They should also be near so you don't have to walk very far to their house," she says.

Negotiation also has its challenges for the children concerned.

"You have to tell the truth, and that can be hard, because you might hurt your parents' feelings, especially if they have planned something for a while. But if they didn't ask me, I would feel hurt and as if they didn't care about me," says Sorcha.

Her mum is aware that it isn't always perfect.

"There are glitches, but we work them out, and Sorcha is very happy and confident with the situation. If she weren't, I would have to seriously reconsider what I am doing. Regardless of the external pressures, we can't lose sight of the child that's at the centre. That always means there is a need for a whole support network and flexibility among parents and employers alike."