The news that Spice Girl Mel B's marriage to Jimmy Gulzar broke down - Jimmy claims - because she had a secret boob job that kept her from breast-feeding reminded me of Nora Ephron's remark: "A baby is a handgrenade tossed into a marriage."

Any psychologist will tell you that the boob job couldn't have been the real issue, but what Gulzar's discomfort about his ex-wife's inability to breastfeed does highlight is the conflicting expectations which partners may have of each other when they have a baby. Pre-marriage counselling is now standard for couples planning marriage, but what is really needed as well is pre-baby counselling for couples considering hand-grenades.

The cataclysmic effect of parenthood on a relationship is well documented by Susan Jeffers, in her book, Freeing Ourselves from the Mad Myths of Parenthood! Letting Go of the Guilt and Trusting Who We Are (Coronet, £5.99 UK).

Jeffers describes the birth of a child as "`a great catastrophe" in a relationship. "My heart goes out to expectant parents who actually think their child will have no effect on, or improve, their relationship. They are in for a big shock. The relationship is the first in the line of fire."