Deprived of daily interaction as a group, many families have lost the ability to interact and share fun times with one another Family dinners, with the generations around the table happily enjoying food and conversation, are close to becoming a thing of the past. One family I know eats together so rarely that they've done away with the dining table in favour of a kitchen "eating island" that acts more like a nutritional pitstop than a dining area. This family is quite typical in that, with children of various ages coming and going at different times, meals have become solitary affairs in which each individual pops dinner into the microwave, then eats it in front of the kitchen TV.
In many families, each person is an island, with their own agenda, social life and school/work schedule. This can start incredibly young, with even toddlers eating alone because their schedules don't fit in with those of older brothers and sisters. What are we losing? The arts of conversation and table manners, for sure, not to mention the sheer joy of sharing a good meal prepared together. No wonder young people nowadays don't know how to handle the social aspect of eating, much less cooking. Deprived of daily interaction as a group, many families have lost the ability to communicate, interact and share fun times with one another. Two Canadian mothers, who live together as parenting partners with their seven daughters, have started a campaign to revive the family dinner. Verna Jones and Donna Armstrong - who calls themselves "fun moms" - became acquainted with EL on the ireland.com website and wrote to us about their self-published book, "Family Theme Dinners - Under the Plastic". It's a totally mad guidebook for parents who want to revive the tradition of family members sitting around the table and interacting over food.
The Jones/Armstrong family is not unlike or any different from any other family (except for the fact that both parents are women). They have the picky eater, Gracy; the chatty type, Emily; Janine the girl who loves to cook; Carly the type who will try anything; and Jamie, the youngest, who wants to do everything her big sisters do. Two older girls live outside the home, but regularly return home to bond over meals.
"The benefits of the theme dinners have been remarkable," insists Verna Jones. "Gracy is having so much fun that she is often finished dinner before she has time to worry about what she is eating. The entire family enjoys the creative fun of drawing, colouring and making props for the themes."
Recently the Jones/Armstrong family did a Survivor theme night modelled on the US TV show about 10 competitors stranded on a desert island. The dinner was complete with tribal challenges, mock rat (chicken) and rice eaten out of coconut halves. An equivalent could be a Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? theme over dessert, with one parent playing "Gay Byrne" and with correct answers rewarded with small portions of exquisite desserts or chocolates. Or, the "host" could award a "cheque" which is the equivalent of some non-food treat. Anything is possible with a little imagination. The "fun moms" create "theme" tables by placing various pictures and words on the wooden table, then covering these in clear plastic. Birthday cards, good school reports, family photos and holiday decorations can all be placed "under the plastic" to give children something to search for a talk about during the meal. Surprise entries "under the plastic" ensure that nobody is lost for words.
While it's all in good fun, there is a serious motivation. "Everyone tells me `just wait until they become teenagers; they will clam up and keep to themselves'," says Verna. "We hope to get a handle on that issue before it happens by encouraging family communication. Having all girls around our table you can imagine the topics we cover. We want the girls to be comfortable in sharing their concerns, fears, excitement or whatever. Our themes have already brought the girls a long way towards this comfort zone. They are encouraged to communicate and share their feelings, and it is working." Transforming family dinners from stressful chores into the sources of happy family memories may seem like too large a task for busy parents, but with a little planning and energy, doing this as infrequently as once a month can make a huge difference in how your family interacts. Here are some ideas:
A sing-a-long dinner, where nobody is allowed to talk unless it's in a singing voice. Put your own lyrics on tunes from classics like "Jingle Bells" or from pop songs to convey your message. A silly implements dinner, where you go through your utensil drawer and pick out unlikely eating tools: spatulas, mixing spoons, big serving forks, ladles and so on. Place the utensils in a box and have each person pick one without looking into the box. It's messy - so don't forget to cover the table in plastic. A circus dinner, where all the generations dress up and make their own decorations for the show, then perform their own "acts".
A medieval dinner, where a king or queen is drawn from names in a hat and wears a crown fashioned from tin foil or anything else handy. Use wooden plates or no plates at all and certainly no utensils. Serve "roast beast" on a platter and let everyone serve themselves, ripping off choice morsels and passing the platter on. Add bread which you tear with your fingers and corn on the cob or other finger veggies. I know it all sounds slightly bizarre, but it's a great way to cut through the stress of daily living and focus the family on a common activity that holds no agendas other than everyone enjoying themselves.
Information is available at www.familythemedinners.com. To order the book, send a foreign draft for US$19.49 to YAM Publishing, Box 897, Invermere, BC, VOA 1KO, Canada.
