PARENTS HAVE a problem in deciding what kind of Relationships and Sexuality Education (RSE) is best for girls and boys. This is one of the few areas of education where one finds equally well qualified experts give contradictory advice as to what is in the best interests of children.

Indeed, the body of research on how children are affected by school-based programmes is not very scientific.

Many parents who are in favour of mandatory RSE are delighted to pass on the responsibility of sex education to teachers. They nurture the hope that its introduction in schools will prove effective in discouraging young people from indulging in early sexual activity.

Some may even be tempted to judge the success or failure of RSE programmes by a reduction or increase in the figures for teenage pregnancy.

it would be preposterous even to think of judging the effectiveness of school-based programmes on this basis. Parents are the primary educators of children. The role of teachers is to build on the foundations laid down by them. Some very important aspects of relationships' education are already done in the family before a child even starts school.

It is now widely recognised that sex education begins from the earliest days of a baby's life. Without being aware of it, parents act as role models for what children learn about loving relationships. Between the ages of three and six, a child is learning about how men and women in our society are supposed to treat each other.

He or she observes how Mam and Dad show love and accepts that this is how it should happen.

Every child goes to school carrying the effects of family relationships. When parents have a warm relationship and enjoy good self-esteem, a child learns to have good self-esteem too. He or she feels lovable and secure. If a child lives with parents or a parent who is experiencing relationship problems, he or she will be adversely affected by them.

Provision has been made for primary school teachers to work on building up the self-esteem and self-acceptance of children. Studies show that people who have problems with self-esteem bring these difficulties into their couple relationship. It is surprising that opponents of RSE seem to ignore the relationship education dimension of RSE and focus, on the problems they perceive sex education causes.

It is worrying when parents are told that school-based programmes in other countries have led to an enormous increase in premarital sex, teen promiscuity and teenage pregnancy. Figures from the Central Statistics Office here confirm that the same trends are happening among Irish teenagers before the introduction of mandatory RSE programmes.

THE TRUTH IS young people world-wide are becoming sexually active at an earlier age. One reason for this is that girls and boys who reach puberty earlier are becoming sexually active sooner.

The Catholic Primary School Managers' Association suggest that it is the duty, right and privilege of parents to give sex education. Of course they are correct in this view. The difficulty for many parents who agree is that they feel teachers are better equipped to deal with the dramatic changes in sexual knowledge that have occurred among children of all ages.

Talking about sex is as likely to provoke anxiety and embarrassment for teachers as it is for parents. Any adult who has tried to explain periods or nocturnal emissions to a reluctant 10- or 11-year-old knows how embarrassed and uncomfortable both parents and child can get in that situation.

This embarrassment gets in the way of the honest communication, which is so important in acquiring knowledge and understanding of human sexuality and relationships.

Adults who find it difficult to discuss sexual matters may be comforted to know that parent-child communication is far less important in influencing sexual behaviour than parental discipline and supervision. There is a strong relationship between diminished parental supervision and early sexual activity.

Teen sexual activity is lowest in two-parent families where the girl has good communication with her mother. Surprisingly, there does not seem to be a parallel effect for boys.

Teenagers with moderately strict parents have a lower level of sexual activity than those with very strict parents. Those with very permissive parents had the highest level, according to a study based on teenager's own reports.

It is unrealistic to expect teachers to be more effective than parents in encouraging young people to delay sexual activity when they are passionately in love. Their job is to help them develop personal and social skills and ensure that, they have accurate, factual information. Research shows that knowledge alone does not have a measurable impact on sexual behaviour. Family relationships do.