1 A-listers Only
The Irish State exams are so hot right now. This week's Leaving and Junior Cert exams glittered with stars such as Michelle Obama, Michael McIntyre, Little Mix, Des Bishop and Henry Shefflin. Every subject sprinkled a little stardust. Some even say you could see Rihanna on an aerial map of Enniscorthy in the geography paper. Sniffing out a scene, other slebs were quick to get tweeting on the Irish state exams, with good luck wishes from 1D's Niall Horan, the Rubber Bandits and a video message from the Little Mix girls. Des Cahill and Roz Purcell also turned up – uh, sorry, your names aren't on the list . . .
2 Sadistic Sunshine
It's official, the exams bring out the sun. Irish people always suspected that there was a malicious streak in the Irish climate that prompts it to blast sunshine at the frazzled heads of Leaving and Junior Certs students on the first day of the exams each year. The Irish Times has plotted average highs for the first Wednesday of every June since 2003 and guess what? Temperatures have cleared 20 degrees seven years out of the last 10 and did not dip below 17 degrees in the past decade. Good news for this year's students though – start planning your June 4th 2014 barbecue when all of this will be a laughing matter
3 Scary Maths RIP
The Leaving Cert honours maths paper has instilled fear in generations of hearts. How many of us took higher maths all the way through school and then whimpered away from the exam at the last minute? A couple of thousand a year, according to statistics from the State Examination Commission. The honours maths exam is like Joyce's Ulysses – only the anointed few have made it through and they belong to a Better Class of Irish Person. Well no more.
Yesterday, students dispatched the last vestige of the old scary maths exam. Next year it’s all Project Maths with its groovy real-world applications and everyman appeal. What to expect. Try this: “If Beyoncé burns 250 calories during Run the World and 300 calories during the Destiny’s Child medley, how delicious is a can of Pepsi at the Aviva stadium?” Or some such.
4 Yeah, whatever
Examiners wouldn't want to be too sensitive – through social media, students have answered back all week, accusing the exam setters of inebriation, heartlessness and powerful lameness. Within minutes of pens down, students are lambasting the papers online. Junior Certs are the most vocal, with the fun-sized exam trending on Twitter above the Leaving Cert all week. They were particularly hard on Thursday's Irish examiners for trying to introduce modern lingo such as gtúit – a tweet as Gaeilge, didn't you know? – alongside quotes from Peig Sayers. Fail.
5 The Bleedin' Obvious
"For students who had done the work, this exam shouldn't have posed any difficulties." Thanks, Ms McTeacher. You would say that. Teacher commentaries on the Leaving and Junior Cert this week left students in a lather. What do you mean, challenging but fair? No surprises? "Speak for yourselves!" cry challenged, surprised students everwhere.
