John is affectionately known as "Mr Nobody", because, as everybody knows, nobody is perfect. John has a solution to everything. He never has any discipline problem in class, his students always get top grades in exams and his own family will soon form the nucleus of the professors in UCD. So when it came to filling the duties attached to the assistant principal's posts the other post-holders saw their opportunity to "land him in it". Martin who has held on to the post of "school tours' for years and is known as "Martin of Tours" was first into the fray.

"We need someone in charge of lost property," he declared with a certain mock gravitas. He painted a colourful picture of the items involved ending with the non sequiter - how a fella can travel home on a bus without his trousers is beyond me."

Mary, no friend of either John or Martin, saw her chance to put the feminine view. "Since we took in the repeat Leaving class of boys and girls I have noticed that the girls are as careless as the boys for losing things." What she was really visualising was the sight of "Mr Nobody' visiting the classes with a selections of bras on his arm seeking owners for same." She tittered to herself.

THE others at the meeting saw what she was at, so when the principal said: "So what does the meeting feel about having lost property as a post?," there was a unanimous, "great idea!".

Renowned for his solutions for every problem, John was about to show that he didn't get his reputation for perfection easily. He announced to all classes that he was now the "director' for lost property and that the lost property office would be relocated in the brushroom which would be redesigned accordingly.

Later as John walked down the corridor he noticed a gaggle of students laughing their heads off outside his HQ. As they scattered, the focus of their laughter was unveiled. A large sign in brilliant colours was pinned on the door of the brushroom with the single word "knickerbox" on it. The usual suspects were rounded up.

They all said: "It wasn't me sir - I couldn't spell such a big word, yet alone print it." The principal promised a bemused staff to brief them on his continuing investigations.