IT USED TO BE that parents only wanted to talk about their behaviour towards their children. Now, the tables are turning and parents are also expressing their worries about their children's behaviour toward them.

Parentline, the organisation for parents under stress, has received calls from distraught parents who are worried about the level of aggression their teenage children are exhibiting. Last year, there were 32 calls that fell into the category of "abused by own children".

In total, Parentline's telephone help line received 2,951 calls between January and December of 1995. Of these, 747 concerned teenage children 245 were about children aged six to 11,209 concerned children under five years and 263 were about "adult" children (over 18). The remainder of the calls fell into the category of other family problems.

Jean Manahan, Parentline administrator, says that the range of problems dealt with is immense, spanning eating disorders, depression, isolation, bullying, abuse, pregnancy, parent/child relationships, partner relationships, runaway children, teenage sexuality etc.

Parentline's 40 volunteers lend a friendly ear to callers, helping them to come to their own solutions. The average length of a call is between half an hour and 45 minutes.

"We have had calls that lasted an hour and longer. Usually, at this stage some resolution or action has been decided upon, Manahan says. About 60 per cent of callers actually feel better just by being able to sound off, she says.

"The very fact that somebody is listening to them and supporting them but not judging them helps parents to put their problems in perspective and to decide what action to take. We don't tell people what to do, but we help them to come to their own solutions."

She stresses the fact that the volunteers are not experts but they do undergo a rigorous selection and training process. "Nobody here is an expert, but what we are is good listeners and we provide a support for parents who need to vent their feelings.

"There will be times when parents needs some expert intervention, and we would refer them on to the appropriate agency. We have done a lot of research into the area of referrals," Manahan explains.

Parentline was founded in 1980 by a group of social workers and nurses in response to what they perceived as a growing need for a safe, non judgmental support service to parents who were concerned about their feelings of anger and aggression towards their children.

Previously known as Parents Under Stress, the organisation changed its name to Parentline in 1993 to mark the tenth anniversary of its telephone helpline service. The organisation is now staffed by volunteers and an administrator, and receives funding through the Eastern Health Board as well as by its own fund raising efforts.

LAST JANUARY, Parentline extended its services to provide face to face counselling.

"Probably the majority of parents are happy with the telephone service but there are people who would prefer to chat face to face," Manahan says.

The organisation has seen five or six parents each week since the new service began. Both the telephone and face to face service are strictly confidential and appointments for face to face meetings can be made by phoning the help line.

To date, it has mainly been women who have sought the services of Parentline. Last year, there were 2,647 female callers and 304 male callers however, over the past few years the number of men contacting the service has been increasing steadily. A large number of separated or single parents (about 25 per of calls) call the help line for support.

Manahan says that depression and isolation are significant reasons for callings. "For instance, a mother who has stayed at home with three or four young children can feel very isolated and unsupported. The other side of the coin can also be a problem where a woman has young children and is working because she doesn't feel that she can take time off."

Manahan says that society must look at family friendly policies and stop paying lip service. Practical help is needed.

For instance, child care facilities could be made tax deductible. Parents who stay at home might receive an allowance. Employers should be encouraged to facilitate parents to take parental leave or time off to look after sick children. Research in other countries has shown that, in the long term, people tend to work better if they are supported in this way, she says. Employers should also look at the provision of creches, she adds.

However, at the moment, Manahan adds, workers are seen as expendable in a high unemployment economy.

In addition to its telephone and face to face services for individual parents, Parentline organises locally based parent support groups for school and community groups. Talks for parents are given in schools, libraries, community centres and other venues.