Parenting a child through the Leaving Cert is one of the ultimate challenges. The academic year is well under way, but we can still find ways to help our child to fulfil his or her potential and keep them away from distractions, writes Kathryn Holmquist.

Parents of Leaving Cert students are in a double-bind. We know we mustn't overly pressurise our children, yet at that same time we don't want to neglect our duty to bring out the best in them. Striking the balance between over-enthusiastic coercion and benign neglect is a tough one for everyone concerned.

In late October, with only nine weeks until Christmas, parents and students alike are beginning to feel anxious. The honeymoon period of a new school year is over and we're down to business.

We want to know whether our children are studying effectively, or just putting in time. Should the CD player really be blasting in the off-limits bedroom? And do computer games actually assist in relaxation? Are all those mobile phone calls so urgent? If you, the parents, are confused about what's going on, just imagine how your child feels, since these distracting behaviours are likely to be unintentional.

Then there are the practical barriers that come from life events. We may be concerned that emotional issues in our children's lives could interfere with their concentration and achievement. Life happens, so events like deaths in the family, illness and parental disharmony may not wait until the exams are over. We can put our heads in the sand, or grasp the nettle.

The problem is that choosing to support our children is a much tougher choice in the short-term. Parents who choose to leave it up to their children may one day have to reckon with guilt, but that's another year or even longer away. Parents who choose to be supportive must deal with the time-consuming day-to-day issues of nagging versus supporting, pressuring versus encouraging. No parent wants to be a negative influence on a child's ability to cope. And, as any Leaving Cert parent will tell you, a student who resents parental pressure can make a parent feel very small.

Yet that same child who resented gentle "pressure" may return to you in five years' time and demand: why didn't you pressure me? It's all your fault!

Parenting a Leaving Cert student is one of the hardest tasks a parent will ever face, akin to sleepless, colicky nights. And this major exam happens at precisely the time when teenagers are coping with all kinds of other problems - relationships, personality issues and emerging independence. Even discovering your own style of handling stress is a major learning curve (see panel).

Which is why Marie Murray, director of psychology at St Vincent's Hospital, Dublin, and director of the Master's programme in systemic family therapy at the University of Limerick, has written Surviving the Leaving Cert: Points for Parents (Veritas €14.95). It's a comprehensive guide to navigating the Leaving Cert year, from adrenalin addiction to "Ibiza Syndrome".

Dealing with stress is the underlying theme. And of all the ways we know of comforting ourselves, the most common is putting the whole problem out of our minds. Procrastination, writes Murray, "is the thief of time" and "the greatest enemy of the Leaving Cert student". Study time is eroded by quick snacks, phone calls, the drawing up of endless lists of tasks and elaborate time-tables, not to mention a weekly appointment with The Sopranos. As they watch their children perfect the art of distractibility, parents may marvel at their children's capacity to accomplish so little with so much effort in so much time.

"Sometimes procrastination is another expression of anxiety and fear. Beginning to study can initially raise these emotions as the student confronts the reality of all that has to be done. Putting off study feels like putting off the fear, except that it doesn't work. What actually happens is that the fear build ups, the guilt seeps in, the next study attempt is harder and the next deferral swifter," writes Murray.

The self-sabotage is unintentional. Many students feel themselves putting in the hours without any visible sense of achievement. They start to talk about feeling inadequate, stupid, frustrated, angry and unable to concentrate. So how can the parent help? First off, recognise that the procrastination is probably outside your child's control, Murray advises. This is a sign of difficulty, rather than defiance. Your child needs help. So provide some strategies.

Routine is the best antidote to procrastination. Have dinner at a specific time and as soon as the meal is over set a study time-clock. If you, as a parent, need to adjust your own lifestyle accordingly, then do so. A family which has chaotic time-management isn't doing any favours to their Leaving Cert student, for whom time is of the essence.

Suggest, Murray advises, that your student begin the evening with just 15 minutes of study. Almost anything - even an urgent mobile phone call concerning Friday's party - can wait for 15 minutes. Chances are, your student will get into the study and forget about the diversionary behaviours.

Explain that starting to study is like plunging into the cold sea for a swim. When you adjust, the water gets warmer.

Use simple time-management strategies. Instead of an elaborate time-table that takes hours to create, encourage your student to choose two or three specific tasks.

Focus on what your student can do now, rather than the bigger picture. Explain that we can programme our brains to study from 20 minutes, increasing to 30 and finally 40 minute stretches. Offer rewards after each session.

If this doesn't work and your student is still wasting hours doing nothing, then ask your student to make a list of every distraction. Every phone call, TV programme watched, break indulged and so on.

Offer to help by calling in to the student at 30 to 40-minute intervals, when you offer a cup of tea or a snack. Also offer to play personal assistant with the phone calls while your student is studying. There's no call that cannot wait to be answered for an hour or so.

Engage in discussions about the study subjects. Ask your student to explain what they have learned. This helps retention. Suggest making a list of everything studied, since this adds to the student's sense of achievement.

Turn off the TV. If a student wants to watch a particular programme, then put this into the nightly schedule. Don't keep the TV on constantly.

Offer to tape favourite programmes as a reward for a night's study.

If a night off for a special event is required, then encourage your student to take the night off completely. A nagging sense of having work to do destroys the excitement of the night, while at the same time the student has accomplished no study.

Such tactics are only one of Murray's secrets to a successful Leaving Cert year. To find which approaches are best for your, individual child you need to read the book. Most importantly, whether you read the book or not, is to stop procrastinating - as a parent - and focus yourself on helping your child to succeed.