"Imagine 16,449 applicants to the CAO this year did not fill in their forms correctly." Mary is the guidance counsellor in the school and this announcement during the morning coffee break had a dual purpose. Tommy rose to the bait.
"How many of our `beauties' were on the list?"
"Not a single form returned this year," responded Mary, with that tone used by politicians when they mean `I'm glad you asked me that question'."
"Big improvement from last year," quipped Tommy, "when half of them didn't know when they were born or the address of the school." Mary's role as guidance counsellor is a great source of interest to the staff. They find her handy when they need to get rid of a troublemaker from their class.
"Murphy go down to the counsellor - she'll sort you out." Mary has to continuously make the point at staff meetings that her office is not a "dumping ground" for misbehaving kids. But it doesn't pay to get on the wrong side of the guidance counsellor as she is a great source of what is termed "free periods".
Personnel from third-level colleges are invited in to give talks and since they are usually first class on a Monday morning it pays to keep in her good books. "Have you someone lined up for next Monday morning Mary?" asks Jack innocently.
Jack enjoys his weekends so he is always interested in a late start. So when he arrives in after enjoying the extra hour in bed he feels he should entertain the visitor while Mary is busy trying to get a clean mug. "You won't get many from her this year - they're the greatest pack of dossers I ever had."
The admissions officer is taken aback. "Well, third-level is not all about points - there are excellent courses for those with good pass Leaving Certificates." Jack ignores this encouraging remark.
"Now I have them for two subjects and I can tell straight away that the only way they will ever see Belfield is on the front of a No. 10 bus." Lucky enough Mary arrives with the tea. Mary has one great trump card in that she brings classes to events such as The Irish Times Higher Options conference and open days. No better woman than Mary to play her cards well when rewarding those who substitute for her when she is out on in-service.
