THERE IS no doubt that a small number of adults who want to safeguard the innocence of children do so by denying them information. They deliberately set out to keep them ignorant of the facts of sex.
Innocence must never be confused with ignorance. Innocence is freedom from guilt. Ignorance is a lack of information.
When families deny information and adopt a "we don't talk about these things" attitude to obvious questions - about genital differences between the sexes for example - children sense the discomfort and gather that sexual matters are taboo and not to be talked about with family members.
Sometimes the desire to protect a child has the opposite effect to that intended. The child gets the message that parents disapprove of her interest, and may assume wrongly that knowing about sex is bad.
Many parents admit that they need guidance on how to talk to children of all ages about sexuality. They worry that they do not have the right information, lack the correct language or won't be able to answer questions.
While most people welcome the greater openness in our society to talk about sexual issues, it deeply concerns others. The liberal approach worries parents who want to pass on more traditional values to their children.
I suspect that a lot of people would rethink their attitudes to sex education if they fully realised how powerful media influences are in shaping attitudes to sex and intimacy. Even if children are not allowed to watch television, they cannot be protected from the sexual imagery in window displays and card shops and billboards.
Whether adults like it or not, young people are being fed a diet of instant romance and immediate gratification. One result is that children who become sexually curious at puberty are given unrealistic expectations about intimacy. The belief that sex should be uninhibited, spontaneous and earth shattering the first time is widespread among teenagers. Some adults also buy into the myth and feel deprived because the earth never seems to move.
Of course it is healthy for teenagers to have romantic expectations, wanting their first experience to be with someone really special. However it is worrying that so many expect to have several sexual partners. A lot of young people are honest enough to admit that they do not expect to marry the first person with whom they have sex. Relationships and Sexuality Education should make young people aware of the serious risks attached to engaging in sex with different partners.
TELEVISION SOAPS are often watched by the whole family. Many of these programmes show explicit sexual activity. Don't assume children are innocent and ignorant about what is going on some certainly are not.
Girls and boys who watch television may learn about pregnancy and childbirth from beautifully made documentary programmes. They may also learn about sexual problems and perverted sexual behaviour if a parent is not vigilant. If children are playing in the room when a parent or childminder is watching an afternoon chat show, they may hear adult discussions on the most intimate details of people's sexual lives, bad and even perverted experiences. Promotional clips for adult programmes are also shown on afternoon television in multi channel areas.
Recently I met some parents who were shocked to discover little girls, as young as eight or nine years old, putting naked dolls like Barbie and Ken into bed together. When asked to explain what they were doing the children said things like "they are sexing", "they are having a sex", "they are going to make baby".
Lots of girls and boys from traditional families know someone who is cohabiting. It could be a relation, a friend's parent or a neighbour. It is hardly surprising that children tend to accept that couples who fall in love have sex regardless of whether they are married or not.
Books and magazines sold to teenagers cover sexually explicit material that shocks and outrages many parents. The problem pages of most teenage magazines advise young people that premarital sex is okay as long as the couple love each other and practice safe sex. The spirituality of sexuality is almost totally ignored by society.
Young people will not learn to have a holistic approach to sexuality unless they are educated to have a positive appreciation of how sexual love affects the whole person - body, mind and spirit. Parents, teachers and boards of management involved in agreeing a policy on Relationships and Sexuality Education Programme must move away from the negative teaching that equated sex with sin. They must ensure that young people are encouraged to celebrate sexuality as a precious gift.
