Star sign: LeoFavourite restaurant anywhere: Anywhere that serves hairy bacon

Desert island book: Love in the Time of Cholera/The Faber Book of Reporting

Person you would most like to spend Easter with: Marge Simpson

Person you would least like to share your Easter egg with: Jesse Helms/Mary Ellen Synon

Your most annoying habit: Running late

Your most pleasing aspect: Healthy indifference to deadlines

Most useful classroom cliche: At the end of the day cliches make me as sick as a parrot

Where will you be for the last New Year's Eve of the 20th century: Clonmel - by the Aga - mulling some exotic brew

Most embarrassing incident of 1999: Realising that I'm losing the capacity to feel embarrassed

Favourite beverage: Whatever you're buying

Recurring nightmare: Not receiving a brown envelop (harped)

Most enjoyable daydream: Receiving several brown envelopes (similarly harped)

Favourite TV programme: Fawlty Towers

Marks out of 10 for Micheal Martin: A solid seven, which, of course, he can appeal

Dream car: Disposable Skoda

Your pet: Rusty - neurosis on paws

Who puts out the bins in your house: The neighbours - thanks folks

Staff room memory: Long and occasionally lethal

Teen pin-up (whose poster was on your bedroom wall?): George Best, Jimmy Doyle, Jane Fonda, Dana - or maybe that was the Holy picture?

Classroom clobber, what do you wear to impress your students: A knowing air, wry smile, antique yak jacket and

Your favourite feature this Year? Money talks at Ryanair and Superquinn

So, you don't read, why not? No funnies or form guides, no Brendan McWilliams. OK! My daughter nicks my copy

Did you read the interview with Gerry Adams in Playboy: No, but I heard he'd moved towards the centrefold

Favourite Shakespearen villain: Edmund - unapologetically bad

Favourite exercise: Staying ahead of the posse

Dream holiday: To China by train

Who cleans the wok? A recently formed wokking party representative of all the partners

If you weren't a teacher, what would you be? Bored

Computers - are you a nerd or a numbskull? Former numbskull, aspiring nerd

In 20 words, what's wrong with school league tables? They misrepresent reality, reinforce misconceptions and prejudice, stifle innovation and lead to lazy meretricious journalism

Would you ban smoking in the staff room? Has already been done

To Kill a Mockingbird, Lord of the Flies are all very well, what about something fresher for the kids? All of the Pretty Horses/ The Crossing (Cormac McCarthy), Tribunal Transcripts.