It used to be believed that a sense of real caring about others came as people grow into adulthood. But now studies are finding that children can show signs of empathy and concern from a very early age. Psychologists Carolyn Zahn-Waxler, Marian Radke-Yarrow, and Robert King observed children whose parents were hurt somehow - either physically (as in father having a bad headache) or emotionally (as in mother receiving bad news and was crying). They discovered that even very young children had a pretty well-developed sense of empathy.

They reacted with concern, wanting to help or "fix" the problem, and they offered comfort and compassion to the parent who was hurt. For instance, one mother had an argument with her husband and began crying. Her daughter, who was 21 months old, came and sat on her lap: "Then she leaned over, and kissed me on the forehead. And that just cleared up all the depression, and I reached over and hugged her. And then she began to smile, and she looked relieved."

If you want to rear children who are caring, the most important thing you can do is to let your children know how much it means to you that they behave with kindness and responsibility. When you catch your child doing something that you think is thoughtless or cruel, you should let them know right away that you don't want them doing that. Say something along the lines of "What you did is not very nice" rather than "YOU are not very nice!" It's important to let your children know how deeply you feel about their behaviour toward others. If they see that you have a real emotional commitment to something, it's more likely that the issue will become important to them, too.

This emotional reaction needs to be accompanied by some explanation of why you disapprove: "Look, Joey is crying. He's crying because you took his toy away. That wasn't a very nice thing to do!" or "It hurts the cat when you do that; that's why he scratched you. It isn't kind, and I don't want you to do that anymore!" Be frank, honest and upfront with your kids about what kind of behaviour you do and don't like. Also, keep it short and to the point; the idea is to teach them, not the make them feel guilty.

Source: American Psychological Association.