Grab hold of your addictions before they grab hold of you as there is no other way, writes Tony Humphreys
An addiction is a craving. People who are addicted crave something, yet for some deep reasons have called off their search prematurely, getting themselves stuck on some kind of substitute level. Every search needs to lead to eventual discovery, and so to its own fulfilment.
Every one of us is involved in some kind of odyssey, but those who have experienced the dangers of being authentic and real may seek refuge in the comfort of addiction to alcohol, drugs, food, work, recognition, power, relationships and so on. We attempt to satisfy our craving with more and more of the addictive substance or action, not noticing that the more we feed our craving the more empty we get. We have thus become "junkies" or "addicts", who are in a place of protective denial and have mistaken our goal and need to go on looking.
As long as we deny what is the real search, absolutely anything can become addictive: money, power, fame, possessions, influence, knowledge, pleasure, food, alcohol, asceticism, religion, drugs. All of these possibilities are perfectly valid as experiences per se, yet at the same time anything at all can turn into an "addictive" substitute if we neglect to free ourselves from its clutches and seek the forgotten goal.
All of us have a particular addictive substance, a substitute for the real thing. What is fascinating is that the examination of our addictive behaviour can reveal to us the main subjects of our longings. It is all too easy to delude ourselves with the substitute value of socially acceptable addictions - work, success, wealth, knowledge, status and so on. Ironically, these addictions cause as much personal, inter- personal, family and work problems as the socially "unacceptable" addictions - alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, sex, cigarettes. However, whilst individuals with the latter addictions frequently come or are sent for professional help, the former "acceptable addictions" group rarely are sent.
Each person's addictive substitute has a unique meaning, nevertheless, what follows may help individuals to get back to the real search and off the substitute road. There is only space to consider three addictions here.
When a person's hunger for love is not satisfied through actual experiences, it can be precipitated into the body, where it makes itself felt as plain hunger. But this is a hunger that cannot be appeased, for inner emptiness cannot be satisfied with food. The consequence is that an individual may become a compulsive eater, but as long as the food remains the substitute for the real hunger of love, no resolution of the addiction will occur.
When not pursued, the internal search for recognition of your unique self can be cleverly projected onto work, whereby an individual works tirelessly to gain recognition through their work accomplishments. This person becomes work addicted; work dominates their whole life, but, like the compulsive eating, it never manages to satisfy the internal desire for self-recognition. Refocusing on the search for self will resolve this.
Conflict is integral to progress on the journey of peace with self and others. Individuals who are addicted to alcohol use it to drown-out the experiences of conflict and attempt to achieve peace by avoiding their conflicts and problems, using alcohol to give them the illusion that everything in the garden is rosy. Most individuals addicted to alcohol also seek out human closeness, but they never attain any real depth or intimacy. Unless they refocus on their internal and external conflicts and their real need for intimacy with self and others, alcohol will continue to dominate their lives, but will always remain a poor substitute for the real thing.
Dr Tony Humphreys is a consultant clinical psychologist and author of The Power of 'Negative' Thinking
