More and more people are opting to have only one child. And, in a world of scarce resources, it's not necessarily a bad thing, says Louise Holden.

The only child was once the exception. Spoilt, lonely, anti-social, selfish - having no siblings came with unflattering labels and was regarded as a disadvantage. Now the number of single-child families in the Western world is rising rapidly. In the US, one in five families has only one child and according to last year's Census, single-child families are proliferating here too.

More than 240,000 Irish families have only one child, up from 195,000 at the last Census. Clearly, many of these families will go on to have more children, but many more will not. Some parents choose to stop at one child - many more have no choice. The factors contributing to the growth of the single-child family are symptomatic of the times we live in. In every society where wealth and social stability have taken root, women wait longer to start families. The better educated a woman is, the fewer children she is likely to produce and the better-resourced those children will be. Many women now choose to have only one child or, after producing their first child late in life, encounter secondary infertility.

Where unplanned pregnancy once left women with no choice but to marry, many are now choosing to raise their children alone, increasing the likelihood that those children will never have brothers or sisters.

Divorce rates are rising, bringing with them a higher incidence of one-child families. The peak period for divorce is four years into marriage, at which stage most couples will only have produced one child.

Of those parents who elect to have only one child, economics are a key driver. High living costs oblige many parents to stay in the workforce and when they weigh up the time and money available to them, one child seems like the perfect amount.

None of these trends is in decline, so the single-child family is here to stay. It's time to get used to the idea of the only child and to debunk some of the myths surrounding singletons.

Single-child families are the fastest growing family unit profile in the State, but far from being disadvantaged, only children may be getting the best of everything, argues Pete Stavinoha, a neuropsychologist at the Children's Medical Center in Dallas.

"Only children are like any other kids. In fact, in some ways they're better off. They're more motivated in school, more likely to continue higher education and more driven to succeed. They also tend to be healthier." Stavinoha attributes this to parents' increased expectations for the child and their ability to focus family finances and attention on one child.

Bill McKibben believes that parents who elect to have one child are making the right choice not only for their families, but for the world. Author of the book Maybe One: A Personal and Environmental Argument for Single-Child Families, McKibben believes that the choice to have one child is one that more people should be making for the sake of the environment and to take the pressure off global resources.

McKibben says many parents who could happily stop at one child try for another out of a sense of guilt about the child's emotional needs. Stavinoha agrees: "If you want to enjoy the second child and have time and energy to devote, go ahead. But if you just are worried about your only child lacking siblings, there is no need."

"Virtually all kids go to pre-school now," says Carolyn White, editor of support website onlychild.com. "They are socialised at a much earlier age. The image of the lonely only child with no playmates and minimal social skills just doesn't apply anymore."

Her daughter, Alexis White, 20, is an only child and she believes that her family status carries as much baggage as any other. "I just think children adjust, whether they are onlies, the oldest, the youngest or the middle child. Each group has its stereotypes. And I don't think it matters. Children are survivors, and they find what they need."

Professor Toni Falbo of the University of Texas is also an only child and has been studying the area since the 1970s, when only children were still considered by the medical profession to be disadvantaged. "Given all that I know, I adopted just one child," says Falbo. "And I don't feel I have to apologise about it at all. A lot of research results show that, by and large, only children are like others in terms of achievement, education, intelligence, sociability, age at marriage. Indeed, some of the studies show that onlies are at a slight statistical advantage, perhaps 2 per cent, in higher achievement, motivation and higher self-esteem. That gives only children a bit of a boost."

Many of the negative aspects of being an only child can be turned into positives if parents are aware of them.

Only children spend a great deal of time with adults, chiefly their parents. This has several possible negative side effects. Children can become enmeshed in adult problems and concerns and may become anxious. Single children of single parents can tend to "partner" their parents - involving themselves in adult concerns in order to provide support. Parents who are aware of this can, where possible, avoid discussing adult problems with children around.

Concentrate on the responsibilities of childhood, rather than adulthood, says Susan Newman, author of Parenting an Only Child The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only. "The [only child] is centre stage and getting all the attention, and parents try to make a superchild. What needs to happen is parents need to lower their expectations and think big about discipline and responsibilities," she says. By responsibilities, she means household tasks and self-discipline, rather than mortgage repayments and marital disputes.

Susan Newman also cautions parents to watch the balance of power in a three- or two-member household. It can be easy to abandon discipline when there's only one to watch and crowd control is not an issue. When that happens, the despotic only child emerges, calling the shots for Mum, Dad and everyone.

Only children tend to emulate their parents, as they are their primary role models. This is a good thing in many ways: eagerness to please adults can be a strength and an impetus for achievement.

However, children need a variety of influences, so it's important to widen their pool of contacts early. Extended family, such as cousins, can become as close as siblings. Playgroups, neighbours, Montessori schools etc. also provide early socialisation.

If parents focus exclusively on their only child, the pressure to perform and conform can be unbearable. Parents need to balance positive attention with a bit of wilful neglect: nobody wants to be watched 24 hours a day. Sometimes, it's good to let minor infringements of the rules pass unnoticed - as would happen in a house where there are several children.

Newman also advises parents to build support systems for the future. As adults, only children may find themselves lacking support. They can often feel an oppressive sense of duty to their parents, especially in adulthood. Early development of good relationships with extended families, godparents, friends and peers can stand to an only child for life - even after you are gone.

Patricia Nachman and Andrea Thompson, authors of You and Your Only Child: The Joys, Myths, and Challenges of Raising an Only Child, believe that parents can build "only child syndrome" by obsessing over the issue. Worrying that a child might be lonely can lead parents to include him or her in everything from adult dinner parties to domestic disputes. A parent's own longing for a second child can be projected onto a son or daughter, making him or her feel as if something is missing from the family.

Nachman and Thompson remind parents that while having siblings can be a wonderful and positive experience, it can also be a hindrance, so parents shouldn't feel guilty about their only child. "Siblings often are great friends andallies, and a comforting presence in each other's lives over a lifetime. Sometimes, however, they are not friends or allies or even especially loving. Sometimes they influence one another in hurtful or damaging ways that linger on into adulthood."

Susan Newman believes that with awareness of the possible problems, parents of only children can ensure that the child does not miss out on anything. "There are harmonious, simple solutions to the possible trouble spots - too much attention, too much parental assistance, too much power within the family - in raising a child without siblings. Given a genuine understanding of the only child's position, rearing one is far less taxing than raising two or more."