It is amazing the number of people who still hold to the belief that love of self is an act of selfishness. These people also believe that individuality is the cause of the breakdown of marital and family relationships.

Maybe they are confusing individuality with individualism.

Individuality is about the expression of your real and authentic self.

The words of Shakespeare ring the soundness of being true to your unique self: "To thine own self be true, and as sure as night follows day thou canst not then be false to any man."

Individualism is a narcissism that springs from the desert of a loveless interiority and attempts to compel and manipulate others into being there for you. This is the face of dependence, possessiveness, control, aggression, jealousy, attention-seeking, rigidity and violence.

There is another form of individualism, which is less obvious, but just as insidious. This is the attainment of recognition by wanting others to always need you, and any attempt by them to become independent will be greeted with withdrawal, hostile silences, sulking and rejection.

Love is absolutely vital for a human life. You cannot love another person unless you are equally involved in the difficult but wondrous work of learning to love yourself. This is not a benign issue that can be ignored. The extent of your own regard for yourself will be the measure of your relationship with others.

Parents can only love their children to the same level that they love themselves. Therapists can only bring clients to the same level of development they themselves have attained. Leaders are only as effective to the extent they have charge of their own selves. Authority means authority of self, not of others.

The extent of teachers' value of themselves, belief in their individual genius and love and eagerness to learn will determine their effectiveness in the classroom.

The task of loving self is difficult, not because we do not possess amazing power to change, but because the majority of people have learned cleverly to conform to the fashioning of a persona to meet the expectations of others. To do otherwise would have meant risking further darkening of their presence.

People who are dependent subconsciously know full well the implications of expressing their true selves. They also know the dangers that exist if they encourage their children through love to express their individuality and power beyond measure.

The dangers are as much there for themselves as for their children: hostility, ridicule, labelling, criticism, aggression, manipulation and violence. Staying hidden behind the defensive walls of conformity does bring a certain comfort, but what a disaster that progress is blocked towards finding your own true self and giving children permission to be free to be themselves.

A groundswell whereby many people make the journey inwards is needed to lighten the task, the duty to love self and others. It has to be seen that these duties go hand in hand and both processes need to be encouraged, supported and celebrated. The Catholic culture kept secret our most sacred duty to love self and, as a result, made it impossible for people to love others. The darkness of that culture is being revealed daily by the sad revelations of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. We must learn and grow from these experiences and be determined that the solid foundation of love of self and others will not allow such neglect to occur again.

The wonder, uniqueness, goodness, individuality and genius of each child and adult needs to be affirmed in all of the social systems they inhabit. It is both an individual and collective responsibility to ensure regard, respect and equality for each person.

Social systems must particularly guard against anonymity of any of their members, ensure no double standards exist and that some individuals, by virtue of their position, are not seen as more important than others.

Status, riches, education do not increase the worthiness of people, but there are many who believe they do and the consequence is a snobbery that demeans others.

Worthiness lies in your person, not in behaviour. Behaviour, achievements and possessions are only experiences that come and go, but to make them the measure of your worth only darkens your own presence and that of others.

There are some who may defensively reject the above as being spiritually based, but I believe that love of self and others is essential, practical and expedient if we are to live in harmony with each other. The challenge is there for all, no one excepted.