In cases of marital breakdown, teenagers can feel deeply responsible for their parents' difficulties, according to Claire Missen, a counsellor with Teen Between, which is run by the Marriage and Relationship Counselling Service. "Young people need help to understand that their parents' problems are not their problems," she says. "At Teen Between, we offer counselling for teenagers whose parents are separating, have recently separated, or who separated many years ago."

Teenagers may get caught in the middle of parental conflict, feel torn between loyalties, become overwhelmed and lose any sense of purpose in their lives. "We help them understand that they come to us not because they are a problem, but because their parents have difficulties," she says.

The Teen Between counselling service was established two years ago. It is available to young people aged 12 to 18, or to other young people whose parents separated during their teenage years. Parents, teachers, or anyone concerned about a young person's welfare can contact the office, although it is essential that the teenager involved comes willingly. (Missen has recently been speaking to the Institute of Guidance Counsellors about where their work fits in.)

For all young people attending counselling, parental consent is necessary. Parents are welcome to attend sessions where appropriate, but unless there is a question of risk from harm, anything the young person discusses will be held in confidence. "Young people can feel a terrible loss of control when their parents split up," Missen says. `Through counselling we enable them to regain their self-esteem and a sense of control in their lives. We work with them so they can develop some control over how they relate to their parents. "For instance, there is often so much animosity between parents they say pretty awful things about one another in front of the children. Obviously it's fair enough to ask parents to stop, but it might be said at the totally wrong time and could lead to a row. We would suggest: don't deliver the message when someone is angry, wait until everyone is in better humour and then bring it up. "When teenagers try this, they always report back to me with a much better result."

The counselling process gives young people an opportunity to discuss their fears, anxieties and expectations with someone who will listen without taking sides. "A parent may feel threatened by their children's need to maintain a relationship with the ex-spouse, and may find it too difficult to talk about the children's needs," Missen says. "Here teenagers have a chance to talk about their problems, distinguish between what their needs are and what their parents needs are, and find a way to talk to their parents. Essentially, they are learning to be assertive."

Although teenagers are learning to behave maturely with their parents, Missen stresses the importance of maintaining their role as the child. "Very often I would speak to young people who have taken on the parental role in relation to their parents, listening to them and trying to help them cope. "The parental boundaries can get confused, but it is important for children to have their parents to turn to meet their needs and not vice versa. In a situation like this, we would tell the young person to suggest to the parents that they might like to see a counsellor to get the support they need."

Teenagers question everything, including their own families; even if the separation has occurred many years before, unresolved issues might come up out of the blue. "Typically, young people will lose their ability to concentrate at school, they won't want to go and they'll find it increasingly difficult to work," Missen says. "In general, boys act out and girls withdraw and become depressed, though of course it isn't this straightforward. In fact, often children - particularly an eldest child - will become over-responsible. They might feel guilty about what has happened and over-compensate by being good and helping everyone else cope. These children may react later - say, two years after the breakdown - when everyone else is clearly managing with the new situation."

Teenagers usually find it impossible to tell their friends about what is going on at home, which often only increases their feelings of bewilderment and loneliness. "We all feel bound by family loyalty, and there isn't anything inherently wrong with that," Missen says. "However, when there is a crisis it can help to confide in a trusted friend - but teenagers hate to feel different to their peers. They may also feel a sense of failure when their parents split up and feel ashamed to discuss it.

"I find they tend only to talk to a friend they have whose parents have also split up."

Missen stresses the importance of maintaining relationships with both parents. "If at all possible, it is best for teenagers to have a relationship with their mothers and their fathers," she says. "It is important for their identity and also stands to them when they go on to develop relationships in their adult lives."