Parenting: Teaching children a little impulse control is a fitting gift in an accelerated world - and it can pay dividends.
Few adults I know, myself included, have adequate control over their impulses. Our weakness for ready gratification is well serviced by the convenience culture we live in. James Gleich studies this "gimme now" imperative in his new book, Faster, which describes a world of sophisticated adults driven by a ferocious and childish appetite for "instantaneity".
Gleich contends that we are all "Type A" personalities. In the 1950s, two American cardiologists, Dr Meyer Friedman and Dr Ray Rosenman, listed a set of characteristics they claimed made the Type A personality vulnerable to heart disease.
The predominant trait was "a harrying sense of time urgency". The Type A customer presses the elevator button angrily and repeatedly until the doors open, he finishes other people's sentences, he feels guilty about relaxing, he tries to exercise and read at the same time, he curses slow drivers, clenches his teeth and clasps the phone too tightly. Nowadays, Mr Type A spends his free time in yoga or meditation trying to unwind.
Gleich takes issue with the scientific credibility of Type A as a diagnostic categorisation, but he does view the definition as a triumph of social criticism. "Type A is who we are - not just the coronary prone amongst us, but all of us, as a society and as an age."
So what has this got to do with parenting? Well, perhaps it is time we listed impulse control among our parenting duties. Child psychologist and author Dr Vincent Moloney is certain we should. In fact, he considers teaching children to wait to be one of the "Ten Commandments of Parenting".
Speaking at a Parentline conference in Dublin last weekend, Dr Moloney explained the importance of early impulse control.
"Postpone children's gratification. If you encourage them to practise waiting, they will learn impulse control and that will stand to them for the rest of their lives," Moloney asserts.
"Children are already used to fast food, remote control, instant gratification.
If they extend this urgency to every aspect of their lives, it has implications for emotional well being in adolescence and adulthood."
Moloney suggests delaying giving your child what he wants straight away, even from a very young age. "Start with a dramatic countdown which will distract the child from the object of her desire. Say 'I will give you the toy in 10 seconds', then count to 10 with actions and facial gestures that engage and include the child. Build up the waiting time as they get older."
When your child reaches that aggravating stage of whining for everything, Moloney suggests investing in a couple of egg-timers and taking the game to the next level. "Tell your child that if he stops whining for the time it takes for the sand to get through the timer, then he can have what he wants. If he breaks the deal, you have a second timer to start again." Presumably, having a second timer at the ready spares you the wait while the first timer goes back to the start.
Whether or not Dr Friedman and Dr Rosenman were right about the cardiovascular implications of "hurry sickness", an inability to wait certainly taints a life. Children who cannot wait to drink, have sex or to sample all that the adult world has to offer may put themselves in high-risk situations too soon. Children with no ability to hold out for the bigger prize may have difficulty with learning, study, practice and all those pursuits that demand patience and application for the realisation of a larger goal.
I don't expect to produce a Gandhi with a couple of egg-timers, but I might learn, with my child, a valuable lesson. Thirty seconds of nothing happening is not such a terrible thing.
Parent Trends - what's new in the world of parenting?
Put your feet up
New research backs up what relaxed mothers have been saying for ages - a house that is too clean is not so good for children.
Living in a low-germ environment could trigger auto-immunity in later life. Auto-immunity is where a person's immune system attacks their own tissues, leading to diseases such as Type 1 diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis.
In an article in this week's issue of the journal Cell, Nora Sarvetnick and her colleagues contend that we need a certain level of immune stimulation to fill the body with immune cells. The key to decreasing the chances of developing auto-immunity may be to stimulate the immune system with germs.
Autism link to foetal hormone levels
Cambridge University researchers have found that babies who produce high levels of the male hormone testosterone in the womb are more likely to show symptoms of autism. The finding suggests a genetic root to autism and raises the possibility of a screening test.
