We are finally recognising the integral rights of children, but we still have some way to go, writes Tony Humphreys.

It is interesting how soon we forget that it was not too long ago that physical punishment was part and parcel of rearing children and that caning in school and church were seen as "educative". Furthermore, it is only quite recently that we have recognised that children have equal rights to adults, that they deserve respect, positive parenting and teaching and to be free of physical, sexual and emotional violations.

There are still remnants of the time when children were seen as little adults who required no special care and could be sent up chimneys, down mines and left to care for babies and adults in need. Certainly, the idea that children should be seen and not heard has faded and there is no doubt that children's needs are now seen as significant.

The persistent neglect of children is not a distant memory and when people throw up their hands in horror, when they hear or read of the physical, sexual and emotional hurting of children, they are blinding themselves to what was an everyday reality for many children. Whilst considerable progress has been made in reducing the physical and sexual violation of children, as a society we have not yet come to the maturity of seeing that emotional hurting is still a pervasive experience. Impatience, irritability, bullying, cynicism, sarcasm, hostile humour, dismissiveness, aggression mark many interactions between adults and adults, adults and children and children and children.

All physical, sexual and emotional neglect of children is on a continuum from mild to severe, but, somehow, when we read or see of mothers or fathers physically hurting or torturing or murdering babies or the discovery of paedophile rings, we do not want these realities to be true or we condemn the adults who perpetrate such abhorrence as "evil".

To face these horrors of children being tortured or sexually violated means having to face a whole set of beliefs and ideas we possess about those adults who have responsibilities for children. Our strongest belief is that adults are naturally protective towards children, but past experience has blown that notion out of the water.

Furthermore, even in a time of more "enlightened" child-rearing practices, every parent experiences great love towards a children one minute and an overwhelming rage, frustration and even hate the next minute. Thankfully, more and more adults perceive the latter feelings as being more about their own blocked needs and take action for themselves rather than taking their frustrations out on children. Let us be honest, at times we all lose control with children, but at least we can apologise and attempt to heal the rift in the relationship and the child's self-esteem as soon as possible.

Is there a way that we can understand the more serious neglect of children and find compassion in our hearts for those who perpetrate such horrors? The challenge is to see that adults do not set out to pervert relationships, it is more that they are unconsciously manifesting the cruelty, abuse, neglect and exploitation they encountered in their childhood years.

Dr Tony Humphreys is a consultant clinical psychologist and author of Examining Our Times