DÁIL SKETCH / Mirian Lord: "Joe or Mary Bloggs, who have little other than welfare, or Mr X or Y, who are millionaires and billionaires, can be seen by the same consultant. It happens every day in our hospitals. And it happens very successfully."
What the Taoiseach omitted to mention is that Mr Billionaire can shout and the consultant will probably call to see him, while Ms Bloggs can fret while she waits two years for an appointment.
A minor detail. Technically, Bertie was quite correct in what he told the Dáil yesterday.
The Taoiseach is fully behind Health Minister Harney's plan to give developers tax incentives to build private hospitals on public land. Unlike Labour leader Pat Rabbitte, he doesn't think the plan will lead to a worsening of our two-tier health service.
Already, says Bertie, eminent consultants "look after Joe and Mary Bloggs, day in, day out," thanks to the miracle of "co-location".
This is management-speak for being able to nip across the car park from the building with deep-pile carpets to the building with rampant MRSA.
The Taoiseach's argument is simple: the brightest medical minds will flock to the well- equipped private development built on land belonging to public hospitals. This should free up many public beds currently occupied by private patients.
The State will be able to pay for public patients to use the new facility. The consultants will still nip across to do their public hospital lists.
Everyman Bertie is sold on the idea. "That is my view, having been on both sides of the argument, as an administrator, as an accountant, as a practising politician and Joe Public, as well as being Taoiseach."
"Hang your head in shame," is Pat Rabbitte's reaction. The plan will lead to the "cherry-picking" of simple profitable procedures, leaving complex medical work to the public hospitals.
They will bear the cost of training doctors, who will then leave for the private sector. Meanwhile, private patients, when the need arises, will still be entitled to a public bed.
Bertie was deeply frustrated by his attitude. "You are ignorant of not understanding what the system is."
He pointed to lucky "Joe and Mary Bloggs", the welfare benefits couple who share their consultant with millionaires and billionaires.
"What parallel universe are you in?" came a voice from the Fine Gael backbenches.
Ah yes, Bertie's parallel medical universe.
What fun we had that day in the overcrowded waiting room. I told Sir Anthony about my little dog and he showed me a picture of his horse.
Then my mobile phone ran out of credit, so Denis O'Brien, sitting to my right, loaned me his.
Mary Bloggs unwrapped her sandwiches and handed them around. Two surgery dates cancelled and the hip giving her awful gyp, but still thinking of others.
A familiar moustachioed face appeared around the door.
"Howyis lads!" drawled Dermot Desmond. Cement Czar Seán Quinn shoved up to make a bit of space for Kaiser Dermot.
God, but it was hot and smelly in that waiting room. We'd been hanging on for hours waiting to see a consultant.
At least the Bailey brothers kept us entertained with hearty renditions of The West's Awake.
The consultant's door opened again. A radiant Michael Smurfit danced out, waving his appointment card.
"There's been a cancellation. I'll only be waiting 18 months for the surgery now," he beamed.
Joe Bloggs may get his heart operation in seven months. Never complains.
"Thank God for the Harney plan. Under the new plan, giving developers tax incentives to build private hospitals on public lands, we're all equal!" he rasped, waving his crutch for joy.