It is rare that a TV reviewer finds himself the subject of a TV programme, but that was the unusual position in which I found myself on Monday night, when my release from captivity was the lead item on Primetime. No doubt by now, you'll all be overly familiar with the details, so I will refrain from repeating them here. Suffice to say, my former partner intervened with her contacts in republican circles to secure my release after an appeal I made in last week's column. At first, her efforts were thwarted. However, feelers were put out, which soon led to my welcome release. No further action on the matter will be taken by me, and I parted on friendly terms with my captors. In fact, we plan a reunion next year where, no doubt, we'll all get riotously drunk!
Finally, a big thank you to Father Raymond Quirke who, along with my former partner, Orla, acted as a go-between during the tense early days of negotiations, and the Garda, who, while not actively involved, monitored the situation carefully and ensured the situation was resolved with only minimum loss of life (two birds). Also, the many messages of support and encouragement from you, my Fantasy TV Review readers, helped me through some difficult days, as I dangled, suspended upside down, from the ceiling, struggling to write reviews under conditions which were most trying. (Last week I posed the rhetorical question, "Who says being a TV reviewer is easy?!" and, at the risk of repetition, I would again like to repeat it - who says being a TV reviewer is easy!)
Item two on Primetime also had some relevance to me in my professional capacity, as it featured the results of a survey conducted to find out what the general public want from television. Not surprisingly, televised live executions topped the poll, with flogging of criminals, especially car thieves, a close second. There was a great demand for more quiz shows and soaps, while, out of a poll of 3,000, nobody wanted any programmes about politics or the arts. Despite the fact that the survey was about television programmes, a lot of people expressed a preference for lower taxes, a tougher approach to crime and an end to immigration. What does this say about our society? Are we dumbing down? Are we becoming more selfish? Speaking personally, I have found that, since the beginning of the year, I have dumbed down considerably. Whereas towards the end of December I would have had a preference for University Challenge over Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, now I find the situation completely reversed. Before Christmas I would have both enjoyed and admired Arena or Omnibus - I now regard both programmes as elitist, pretentious, arsty-fartsy and weird. Blind Date and any programmes about fixing up a house or a garden I now find infinitely preferable.
I have also noticed that I have become more selfish. A short while ago, I would occasionally give money to the poor or offer up my seat to an elderly lady on a bus. Now I don't give a damn about anybody but myself. It is odd to find oneself a microcosm for society as a whole, and to find trends in the wider community reflected in me.
Neighbours is just great.
Unfortunately, I have to end this week's column on a sour note. Earlier, I expressed my deep appreciation to readers who had written in with letters of support during the period of my captivity. Dishearteningly, one reader wrote in expressing his wish that I be horribly tortured and killed by my captors. While I always welcome feedback for my column, I don't think this letter offered any constructive criticism. If any readers wish to write in offering suggestions for Fantasy TV, I will certainly take their views on board.
However, there can often be a thin line between constructive criticism and outright threats, and in the case of the latter, I will not hesitate to pass on readers' names and addresses to my new friends in the Garda. (And believe me, they will come down on you, hard).
Arthur Mathews is co-author of Father Ted. His comic novel, Well-Remembered Days, will be published by Macmillan next month.