It was a quiet Friday morning in the Ixelles commune of Brussels, a mix of discreet rows of Art Nouveau townhouses and the colourful streets of the city's African district. In the local town hall, Mayor Willy Decourty fastened his sash in the red, yellow and black of the Belgian flag around his hips and went out to perform a wedding, writes Susan Carroll
After the French-language service, Stephen and Conor, both from Belfast, stepped out into a shower of rice and well-wishers as a married couple, with the same rights and legal status as any other.
Same-sex marriage was introduced in Belgium in June 2003, making it the second country in the world after The Netherlands to allow homosexuals access to the institution of marriage, as opposed to civil partnership unions, such as those being proposed for the Republic by Senator David Norris.
"As soon as the option of marriage was first introduced, we wanted to do it," says Stephen, a 40-year-old playwright, who has been with Conor for 14 years. Originally, the Belgian law was open only to Belgians and Dutch people - private international law renders marriages which wouldn't be recognised in one spouse's home country problematic - so Stephen applied for Belgian nationality. The law was amended last January to open it up to any residents of Belgium, so their marriage could have gone ahead without it.
"There were lots of reasons we wanted to get married," says Conor, who works in one of the EU institutions, a job that brought the couple to Brussels 10 years ago. "When we bought our house seven years ago, we wanted to make sure the other partner wouldn't have any problems with death duties, which are extremely high in Belgium, or inheritance rights. We did get a private contractual agreement on our joint ownership, but it was frustrating having to go through hoops." On top of that, Stephen wasn't entitled to the health or pension benefits offered by Conor's employer to spouses, despite the length of their relationship. "As we got older, we became more and more aware of the practical and fiscal problems we faced," says Stephen.
"Of course, now that partnership unions are becoming available in Britain, France and even parts of Spain, those problems won't be such an issue," says Conor, "But what's different about actually getting married is that it means the Belgian government recognises and respects our relationship. The fact that they simply changed a few words in the existing marriage laws to allow this is great, especially for a Catholic and seemingly conservative country like this."
On the day itself, what may have started out about rights became more about romance. "It was about celebration and validation," recalls Stephen, beaming. "You'd wonder what validation we'd need after 14 years together and a previous commitment ceremony, but being there with our friends and family was fantastic. We initially wanted it to be low-key, but in the end 40 people came, including siblings and godchildren, and we had a reception at a friend's house."
Same-sex marriage slipped into Belgium without any of the outrage that has inflamed the US. The country's Catholic bishops even issued a statement saying that, while they were opposed to gay church weddings, they could "understand that homosexual people desire a lasting and exclusive life together and want to see this sealed in a civil union". However, the move was a long time coming, points out Isha van Alsenoy of the Flemish gay rights group Holebifederatie. "It took 10 years from the first steps towards civil partnership in 1993 to this stage. Politicians were motivated by the legalisation of gay marriage in The Netherlands in 2001, but we still had to work hard to get it into law here," she says.
It was the clear separation between church and state in Belgium that made accepting same-sex unions easier. Here, a civil marriage is compulsory for every couple, and those who choose can then go ahead with a religious ceremony. That's as it should be, according to Stephen and Conor. "I have no problems with religious objections to gay weddings," says Stephen, "that's their philosophical and spiritual right. But marriage is a civil institution in Belgium and there were almost no objections."
Conor's parents couldn't make it to the wedding, but, despite their Catholic faith, were enthusiastic. "His mother was all excited about getting the right Belleek china for a wedding present," laughs Stephen. By contrast, his own elderly Protestant parents don't know about the marriage, he says. Looking at the debate in the US, Conor feels those who say gay marriage trivialises or makes their unions worth less are focusing on the wrong things. "There's no threat to marriage coming from people desperate to get married. In terms of two people who love each other and want to commit, it's the same no matter what your sexuality."
Stephen adds: "I don't think the 'Britney Spears effect' is going to happen, with people taking marriage lightly." The statistics bear this out. According to van Alsenoy, in the first four months marriage was available to same-sex couples in Belgium, just 139 tied the knot.
Sometimes the couple still can't believe they are married. "It was only 11 years ago that homosexuality was decriminalised in Ireland, after all," says Stephen."To line up in the town hall with all the other couples to fill out the forms applying for the marriage licence was surreal," adds Conor. "It's strange, too, to think that as foreigners in Belgium we are being accorded more rights than we have at home in Northern Ireland."
Names have been changed