CONFESSION TIME. I only came to the National Ploughing Championships to see the Austrian thigh-slappers. The Westendorf Schuhplattlers were expected to dance around their woodcutting equipment while wearing leather shorts and white socks. How could you miss that?
But we got the Band of the First Southern Brigade instead. Without the leather shorts.
Apparently the Austrian thigh-slappers were still sharpening their axes and will appear this morning.
But if you want to see them you'll have to miss the ICA talk on falls prevention and bone health.
Decisions, decisions. That's what you face when you come to the ploughing championships.
Do you go to watch Ray Houghton and the FAI's John Delaney getting thrashed by George Hook in the celebrity penalty shoot-out?
Or would you prefer to see Minister for Agriculture Brendan Smith being heckled at the Speakers' Corner?
This was the first time the Houses of the Oireachtas took their show to the ploughing and it received a muted reaction. When The Irish Times dropped in yesterday morning the chairs in front of the big screen were empty apart from three men. They were watching live proceedings from the Dáil. Announcements of matters raised under standing orders, to be precise.
Deputy Aengus Ó Snodaigh was in full flow when one man emitted a loud sigh and ambled off. Another sent a text message.
But the third man was happy. "At least you get to sit down," he said, stretching out his legs and peering out at the droves of people traipsing past.
Many of them were heading for the helicopters where hundreds of people queued for hours to take a ride over the site. If we are in a recession, these people didn't know about it and were happy to pay €50 per adult and €30 per child for the brief thrill. Two extra helicopters were drafted in, such was the demand.
But the sheep were annoyed. Not to mention the sheep dogs. They couldn't hear the instructions from their masters because of the whirring of the helicopters. But peace reigned when the sheepdog trials were moved to a quieter area.
The sheep would have been happier beside the Bishop of Ossory's stand. It was all peace and serenity there as Fr Jim Murphy sat quietly, offering a listening ear to anyone who felt like unburdening themselves.
"Sure, I'm worn out listening all morning," he said, but in truth he didn't look even slightly exhausted.
Perhaps he could have benefited from a dip in the hot tub on display at the Arctic Spa stand. The water bubbled away as people queued up to dip their hands in it for some inexplicable reason.
"You'd think it was Lourdes and they were looking for a cure," said a bemused Peter Dempsey, who was manning the stand.
Taoiseach Brian Cowen passed by the hot tub on Tuesday but wasn't interested in looking for a miracle or buying a tub.
"I think he's in enough hot water already," Mr Dempsey said.
Overseas property companies must also be feeling the heat in these recessionary times and indeed the Investment Property Exhibition definitely looked quieter this year.
Of course, this is the place to come to if you are interested in buying. It's renowned for selling everything from dinky cars to Mercs, but this year it reached a new high with a stand selling traffic lights.
"€1,000 for a red and green light," said a proud Tom Burke of Perimeter Control Systems. They are intended for commercial uses, such as car parks and grain yards, but that didn't stop several farmers asking him if they could erect them at their farms to allow the cows to cross the road.
"I don't think the guards would be too happy," he observed.
I'll slap my thigh to that.