Now that we've got a bit of money to chuck around, it's gratifying to see our island grow ever more stylish. But it's possible to have too much of a good thing. The latest manifestation of More-Money-Than-Sense occurs in the world of footwear. More specifically, in the world of trainers.
The late 1980s and 1990s have been a boom time for sportswear. This is partly because we are more body-conscious than we used to be. Chances are, even if our good intentions come to nothing and we never make it to the gym, we at least have the requisite outfit on standby.
But it is also because the past decade has seen a move away from structured clothing into something a little more relaxed. Clothes and shoes that are specifically designed for sports or leisure will necessarily feel more comfortable than something that is rigidly tailored.
In the realms of the Trainer Bore, however, practicality and comfort are not an issue. What is important is being there first. That might have meant a trip to Nike Town, NY, last year (This year Nike Town opens in London) just so you could be seen in a pair of split-toe trainers two months before anyone else in Ireland.
To the uninitiated, the split-toe shoe might look alarmingly futuristic, ugly even. For the trainer bore, though, they already look like old news, and have been put away for a year or two until they acquire classic status.
For the real aficionado, rarity takes precedence over newness. In certain quarters, retro styles carry the most cachet. You can expect to fork out up to £300 for second-hand 1970s originals. Think about it. Twenty-year-old runners. Understandably, then, the greatest coup of all, and a further blow to your bank balance, would be box-fresh originals. Very rare. Very important. Very, very expensive.
All the major trainer companies release reissues occasionally to cater to obsessives who want the look but without the fiscal or hygiene problems related to buying second-hand. The good news is that in comparison with the originals they're relatively cheap. A pair of women's plain white Nike Air reissues costs about £100. You do have to get in there pretty fast, however. Numbers are limited so the market isn't flooded, and they tend to sell out very quickly.
So who is the typical Trainer Bore, paying over the odds for something that few notice, let alone understand? Surprisingly, it is both men and women. Even more surprisingly, compulsive trainer buyers range from late teens to mid-30s. In other words, people old enough to know better. And are they all fitness fanatics? Not quite. Most trainers sell on the basis of form, not function.
Given that cheap and passable imitations can be bought in any chain store, it seems pointless to spend money on big-name trainers. Particularly when their high-tech functions are mostly unnecessary. Trust me, the quality of your life will not be improved by moulded polymer hemispheres. Go low-tech, and spend the money you've saved on something that draws attention to your face, not your feet. The backlash starts here.