For a lone parent, taking kids on holiday seems a tall order - with money worries, concern for their safety, and lack of support - but it can be worth it all, writes Fionola Meredith.
Children and holidays - they're a magical combination. There's nothing like watching your little darlings happily splashing around in the sea, or industriously building sandcastles, or contentedly slurping an ice-cream cone, to make you feel at one with the world. A holiday can be an idyllic oasis of family time, away from the relentless demands of everyday life back home. But, as every parent knows, holidays with children can also be seriously hard work. Moments of genuine relaxation, pina colada in hand, are few and far between. By the time you've lost the kids at the airport, refereed their squabbles on the plane, fished them out of the deep end of the pool and slathered their sunburn with calamine lotion, you're ready for another holiday yourself.
It's challenging enough when there are two parents holding the fort, but holidays can be even more of a tricky proposition when you're on your own.
Kerry Woods, a single mother from Belfast with two daughters, aged seven and nine, isn't inclined to travel too far afield with her girls. "We would go to Glasgow for a week, or up to Portstewart on the north coast for a week. As a single mum, you think - what if anything happened to me? After all, you're the one in sole charge of them. That's why I always take them to a hotel - that way I know there's always someone close by. We usually try to go somewhere with a swimming pool - the girls love it, and I enjoy watching them."
Kerry accepts that a chance to put her feet up is out of the question. "I don't get to relax on holiday - it's like a regimental operation! Everything needs to be scheduled and structured. I research it all on the internet before we go. When you're on your own, you can't risk anything going wrong."
"When you're a lone parent, you're on your own constantly with your child; you don't have any time to yourself," agrees Jane Daniels, a full-time student and single mother of a three-year-old child. This year, she took her first holiday with her little girl, travelling to Italy with a member of her family. "I noticed things that would have been much harder if I'd been on my own, like the difficulty of piloting a young child and your luggage through an airport. If I'd been by myself, I would have been just sitting in the hotel room from 7.30 every evening. When you're on holiday, being a lone parent can be even more isolating. You're removed from all your usual home comforts and supports. You just don't have five minutes to yourself."
It's estimated that one in eight people living in Ireland are part of a one-parent family. Between 1996 and 2002, the number of households made up of a solo parent with children increased by almost 25 per cent. Yet it seems that many travel companies are failing to move with the times. Part of the problem for lone parents is that most holidays are still sold on a "two adults, two children" basis.
"One-parent families are often penalised financially by having to pay a single-person supplement," says Ruth Coleman of One Family (formerly Cherish), the national organisation for one-parent families in Ireland.
Noreen Byrne, from Doras Buí, a lone-parent support centre in Coolock, Dublin, agrees. "If you're travelling as a single parent with three kids, you often end up paying for two adults and two kids."
Simply being able to afford a holiday in the first place is a luxury denied to thousands of lone parents. The grim reality is that one-parent families are at much greater risk of living in poverty. Nuala McGinnity, from Monaghan, took her nine-year-old son Ryan on holiday to the Spanish resort of Fuengirola for the first time this summer. "I saved and worked so hard for it, putting money by for ages to afford it. It was a brilliant experience, but the cost of it really hit home afterwards. All that money - and now it's just gone. I wouldn't spend as much next time."
Nuala avoided the single-person supplement trap by travelling to Spain with another lone parent and her child. But like Kerry and Jane, she was constantly aware that she was the only adult in charge of her son. "I felt I just couldn't take my eyes off him for a second." Yet some newly-single parents find the experience of holidaying alone with their children wonderfully relaxing.
Madeleine (42) separated from her husband late last year, and this summer she took their two young sons to France by herself.
"It was a blessed relief, to be honest, after the year we have just had. I let the pair of them stay up late every night, and then we all slept in the next day. We just suited ourselves, swimming at the local lake, eating whenever we felt like it. I've never had such an idyllic, peaceful holiday."
Of course, it's not just single mums who want to take their children on holiday. Although just 15 per cent of one-parent families in Ireland are headed by a man, many lone fathers are equally keen to take a vacation with their youngsters. Ray Kelly, founder of Unmarried and Separated Fathers of Ireland, has holidayed with his three children in Canada and Spain. "People find it amazing that dads want to take their kids on holiday. I really recommend it. It's about quality time together, and showing them that there's a great big world out there."
But being away from home can bring problems into sharp focus. "I took my kids to see an illusionist when we were in Canada, and I remember feeling sad that their mother was missing the look of wonder on their faces. A holiday can bring home these issues."
The legalities involved in taking children away on holiday can also be a particular cause of stress for separated parents.
As the law stands, in the case of separated or divorced parents, written and witnessed consent is required to obtain a passport for a child. The same is true in the case of co-habiting parents who are both named on the child's birth certificate. But if a mother is sole guardian from the time of a child's birth, she can get a passport for her child without the father's signature, as long as she signs a special affidavit.
It's easy to see how the whole thing can get messy. As Brenda Forde, from Treoir, the National Federation of Services for Unmarried Parents and their Children, points out, "Issues can arise when a couple have separated and the mother or father may refuse to sign the form."
Despite all the extra challenges involved in lone-parent holidays, those mothers or fathers who do manage it say that it's an experience not to be missed. "First of all, there's the satisfaction of actually doing the whole thing by yourself," says Nuala McGinnity. "But it's more than that. It's about saying - this is my family unit. Even if I had no job or home to go back to, my life is with me. When we went on holiday, I fell in love with my son all over again."